Funnyman Tapan Trivedi

On Being Naked

2005-07-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

ON BEING NAKED :-
SHAME SHAME PUPPY SHAME !!
SHAME SHAME PUPPY SHAME !!

The chants still reverberate in my ears. I was 4 years old and it was my first foray into school. I was enrolled at Reubs Babyland Nursery school which was a pre school to which my parents enrolled me in. Prior to that my entire socialization hinged on my parents who doted me and my playmates who also doted me – after all I had the ‘magical power’ of being able to put little sticks in my long hair and making it stay. Needless to say I enjoyed the ‘hero’ status amongst my small audience. Even back then I had fun entertaining people. Now that I think about it that IS why I have grown my hair . As a backup plan if I start bombing on stage.

(The picture to the side IS me as a kid naked with my uncle - I was two).

Prior to going to school I had no concept of the fact that taking off your clothes might not be a good thing unless nature says so. I had no concept of ‘societal rules’ . The only laws I knew were the ones that nature enforces like if you sit on a nail your ass hurts , if you slap a monkey it WILL slap you back and dogs don’t like if you try to climb on their backs using their long wiggly ears . You know things like that.
My parents decided to put me to pre school mainly to give a rest to my mom who was tired of cleaning up after me. My first day of school was incidentless except for the fact that I kept on looking through the window and saw my father’s face there – parents were allowed to stand at the window to see how their precious ones were doing – kinda like a training school for puppies except two legs instead of four. It was on my second day that I did something that changed me for a long time. I really don’t remember why I did it but I took ALL OF MY CLOTHES OFF during class. I just felt like it I suppose. There were no ants in my pants, no need to go su-su (Indian or atleast Gujarati for pee pee) no discernible reason at all. Just did it like a future burner should and almost instantaneously I had all the people look at me in shock and disbelief. Other kids in the class were kinda stupefied. I guess they were all well taught as to why NOT to take their clothes off.
This is the first time I remember the feeling of something being wrong and not knowing what it was. I thought maybe they did not know how to take their clothes off. Idiots. That is when the laughter and the hands on the face thing began. A lot of the kids started putting their hands on their faces to depict the ‘felt’ shame. Then the boys started chanting.

SHAME SHAME PUPPPY SHAME
SHAME SHAME PUPPPY SHAME
SHAME SHAME PUPPPY SHAME
( the second and the third p in puppy was emphasized)

Instantly I sprung into action. I ran off to the end of the classroom and stood in a King Jeremyesque pose facing the corner. My teacher came over to my side to help me dress up. She was mildly annoyed by the fact that a kid in her classroom did that but I am thankful that she clothed me. I still remember the end of her saree (‘pallu’) falling on me and comforting me.
The next day onwards it was the same chants again before class , during assembly , during recess and AFTER class. It stopped after I beat up another kid for saying that. I guess violence does have its place in the playground. I was punished for the fight by having to stand in the corner and putting the trashcan over my head. Not as in wearing the trashcan just putting it on my head as in carrying it – a standard punishment leftover from the British ‘raj’.

I never took my clothes off in public after that.
Not at the river in the village when EVERY kid swam naked. Tapan wore pants.
Not while being in the forest and having to ‘go’. Tapan exercised mind over bladder.
Not while being at the pool in the USA. Tapan wore pants AND a t shirt.

Read tomorrow for the derobing of Tapan at Flipside in Austin ,TX.

Yoga and Why Breathing is important !!

2005-07-18T14:39:00.000-07:00

This weekend was an amazing one. Atleast for me. I am slowly realizing what it means to be truly devoted to one person and what it means to BE WITH someone. I enjoy all the wonderful time we spend doing stuff or doing absolutely nothing. Mandy is someone I feel absolutely comfortable doing NOTHING with. I can just sit down and read and her reading something completely different and feel this fantastic glow emanating from her which brings so much joy - much more than the stupid 'Who let the blogs out?' book I am reading now

Now on to the main event.We went to the temple again on Sunday . After a fleeting misdirection we reached the temple and the ceremony and chanting was just beginning. The chants of the Maha Mantra was something that I found very satisfying. We talked to a woman name Bhakti who had essentially quit everything in her life her grown up kids, business, house etc to take up the life of a 'sanyasin' i.e. devote herself to Lord Krishna. Interesting perspective on the movement. She said something about the soul being the primary vehicle and it goes from body to body to body as we change clothes or cars. Interestingly going from body to body to body is something I describe as being single. We sat with another couple from Tucson Tad and Elena who were transplants from Michigan and Oregon .

Bhatki came and sat with us while we were having the wonderful vegan feast . She talked about how the Hindus believe that we have a limited number of breaths rather than a limited amount of time . This is why the slowing down of breaths is extremely important. That is why the crux of any Yoga practice should be the control of the breath ALONG with any other goals you might have such as flexibility, developing strength or just staring into the nice full ass of the woman bending in amazing poses in front of you. Don't forget to breathe. They actually say that in the Yoga classes. I always found that interesting. Jeez sorry, if you wouldn't have told me I would not have known at all huh !!! Remember to breathe. Now I know why they say that.

We also saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with our friends Tom and Summer and Chad and Amy Lehrman. It was a delight to see the movie and go to dinner afterwards with Chad and Amy. Tom seemed to go home cause he was not doing well. That seems to be an ongoing theme for him. Getting sick and going home. He left at the Dambe project as he was not doing well. He left right after the movie cause he was not doing well . Hey Tommy - hope you feel better . Change the herbs. Seems they ain't working......

One interesting sideline conversation with Bhakti was that how the people who cook at the temple need to know the EXACT quantities of spices to mix because they are not allowed to taste or smell the foods. This is because they are cooking the food for Krishna first and without offering him the food they cannot consume the same. I remember my mom running to the altar at home at times while cooking to 'ask for forgiveness' if she tasted the food.

Aftermath of Death of a comic

2005-07-12T13:25:00.000-07:00

A good comedian passed away yesterday. Freddy Soto was his name. I got into a weird headspace and this is what happened. Verbatim. This took place on the SFComedy Yahoo Group.

The mail announcing the news :-

Sad news- Freddy Soto passed away Sunday, July 10. He was a GREAT comedian and a great person as well. I barely knew him, but he was always nice to me and was incredibly funny. He will be missed. -Matt Walker

My First Email Regarding the issue :-

Life goes on - Regardless !! Tapan

The rebuttal from Manny Maldonado who is Freddy Soto's very good friend !!

First of all I want to thank whoever designed this forum for comics. I like the way many of you help out each other. I dont know all the comedians from this group, but the ones I do know are good people. My friend Freddy Soto passed away on early Sunday morning. He leaves behind many friends and a loving family. He was a class act on and off stage! I'am offended as well as my friends, by what Tapan Trivedi said about Freddy Soto. If you dont know him dont say something stupid like his catch phrase! I dont mean to be rude, I just dont like nobody popping off ( trying to be cute) I would like Tapan to be a man and apologize on this forum! If he doesnt than so be it! Grace White keep up the great work! sincerely Manny Maldonado

My reply to the same :-

Manny, I just saw this. I do not know you but I can feel your pain. I met Freddy in Houston at the Laff Stop. If there was one thing I knew about him was that he loved life. He got me drunk of tequilas more than any human being has. Also I had just came back from India attending to my father's illness which was death threatening (He has since passed away due to the same illness).Any way that 'catch phrase' of his was extremely healing due to the fact that my father has the same way of saying 'wrong English' phrases . He pronounced finance, mobile (like the city in Alabama) etc incorrectly. That is why I remember the 'regardless' jokes more than any other jokes he did. However I completely accept the responsibility of missing the fact that others might be offended by this and apologize profusely to you and anyone else that has been offended. Sincerely, Tapan Trivedi

Manny's Mail to the same :-

Its all good apology accepted! I was probably acting more on my emotion, and thats my fault. Its water under the bridge, if you get a chance to work with me or vise-versa I'll buy you a drink! take care Manny!

Rest in Peace Freddy Soto. Rest in Peace.
Sincerely,
Tapan Trivedi
Going Beyond Apu !!

Drumming, Fasting, Dancing and ISKCON.

2005-07-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

Friday Night :-

*Due to a joyous occasion in our life we decide to go to the Hindu temple.
*Got there just before the curtain closes.
*Gave Mandy a refresher in Hindu mythology and differences between Ram and Krishna and Shiva and why a monkey is my God.
*Got talking with a couple of devotees who offered up 'prasadam' and invited us to a couple of things happening there. We liked the place. Serene , quiet - it does not bring me closer to God per se but it helps me to be closer to HER.
*Went to Govinda restaurant which is THE best place to get Vegan and vegetarian food in Tucson.
* Went home and watched Harold and Maude on DVD. I think the young actor in Harold and Maude looks just like Frankie Muniz - only this one can actually act.

Saturday

Owing to the orbit of Saturn in my stars I decided to fast on Saturdays. This is a liquid fast which means I am allowed to take liquids. We spent about 6 hours from 12 till 6 at the Epic Cafe on 4th avenue in Tucson. Excellent place but I was DYING of hunger. Went home and put on TV where Mandy decided to take the remote (Horror of the loss of power!!) and put the TV ON THE FOOD NETWORK !!!!! WOLFGANG PUCK AND some Japanese dingbat cooking up all kinds of delicacies. I have never been so tempted there. Despite the fact that I ate a couple of pieces of toast at the Cafe I considered myself to be still fasting. That put a HUGE dent in my will power. At night we went to my buddy Tom's Dambe party at the Lucky Studios. Had some difficulty finding the place but once we found it it was fun. We stayed there till midnight where we ran into Ken, Sid etc Burners fromTucson. Went to Congress Club where another Burner was playing in a Flamenco band. Excellent music. Danced a lot. Looked for Tom before we left for Congress but I guess he had already left with Summer. Around midnight I took my first beer (alchoholic drinks are also not allowed in fasting). Ate popcorn at Congress to actually break my fast. After the shindig ended we went to a 24 hour Mexican restaurant where I went back to my carnivorous ways by eating Chicken Tacos. Mandy looked good enough to eat so I did later on.

Sunday :-

Had a lazy lazy morning where we just lounged around in bed. After a brief breakfast we left for Mt.Limmon. Totally Mandy thing - something that I would not have done on my own. On our return we went to Hooters - Mandy's first time. It was interesting that our server did not give us the famous 'Hooters' Hello'. I guess some things DO change once you are a couple. I am at work as of this writing . I am a little bit worried about my friend Stephan as he has not returned any of my calls and was feeling generally low on life yesterday.

On Stupor - Meal Induced and otherwise !

2005-07-01T17:21:00.000-07:00

It starts with a heavy meal or a wonderful ecstatic and yet a draining fuck. It starts either around the upper part of a belly or just above the crotch. You can almost hear the assembly line whirring at a painstakingly slow pace to produce the stupor juice. It spreads slowly through the body , climbing on to the blood platelets to reach the far reaching corners of the body (not that my body has any corners - its pretty well rounded) and then evaporating and reaching those where blood can't go. How else do you explain me smelling stupor ? It takes my agility, my motivation and my senses with it . Where it takes those things I don't know . Maybe cause it took my senses with it. My head tilts back and forth. I turn off the phone with a herculean effort because I know that the ringing will hurt. Badly. Very badly.

I turn the sounds off on the computer. Then I turn off the computer. My eyes are getting heavier and heavier as if under the effect of a really bad hypnotist. I slouch in my chair in front of the dark monitor. I slouch down till I can only see my eyes and my hair in my reflection. Anyone seeing me from behind will have to look real closely to determine my existence. I lay there comfortably. Listening to the audible hum of monitors in other cubicles, the whirring of the track ball on the mouse and the random keystrokes - I droop some more.

It is a delicate balance that I try to maintain . Any more drooping and I will fall off and out of the stupor induced euphoria. Any less and I will still fall out of the stupor induced euphoria. Now my eyes are sliding shut. I see the back of my eyelids and the faint hint of light somewhere, somplace - far away. I take deeper and deeper breaths. Once again the trick is to NOT go too far and snore. Snoring technically puts you in the sleeping category and you can't bill for sleeping time. That is why stupor is so cool .

YOu can be perfectly happy and still earn money at the same time. I start drifting in and out. My head tilting is more pronounced. It reminds me of the time when I have participated in the unruly practice of candy flipping.

A small burp escapes the gullet and the esophagus and the Gods of stupor have smiled on you again. It starts again. You go down , down , down. Then I realize in the back of my mind. Where reason and logic and brain function are housed as roomies. I have to go home. I have to go to Mandy. I will have sex. I will love her . Then I will be drained and stuporous again. Long live stupor.

On being left brained and right brained..........

2005-06-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

Being naked is something I did as a child. Endlessly. It was hard for me to keep my clothes on. Mainly because taking them off was easy and I did not have the skills to put it back on and society hadn't put its shades on me yet. As yet I was primal and to a point innocent (not to the bugs I chased and tried to 'catch' but couldn't - all I am saying is that innocence is relative . A tiger cub killing a small lamb is still innocent to the tigress !)

I remember being outside in our small backyard and playing in mud for hours. In fact I learnt my first script writing in the sand outside my house in Ahmedabad. I wrote a small Java script to capture code from existing websites and put it in my sandbox. OF COURSE, I jest. It was Cobol. Java wasn't even invented yet.

I was a leftie then. But I wrote from right to the left - like the writings in those Arabic languages. My father hated the moslems and thought I would become one . So he put a glove on my left hand. I wrote by my right hand. My handwriting is horrible to this day. Thanks to the advent of computers I am understandable .

But to this day I wonder if I was just simply left handed then would I have developed the artistic side or would I be a cold calculated left brain thinker . I am reminded of the Nobel Prize winner Roger Sperry's observation on a patient whose middle part of the brain (the one connecting the left and right) was removed and it was found that he could identify a pencil by the right hand and eye but could not use it and could instinctively use and demonstrate a pencil by the left hand but could not tell what it was. (Both of his hands could jack off himself without a problem- hey after all there is only one true master)

I thank my parents for fucking up my brain function and making me unpredictable - even to myself. Thats one reason why I have been thrown out of many clubs, am writing this at 1:30 a.m. while my lovely wife is sound asleep. I don't know what I will do next. I may go to bed, watch informercials, blog some more, go and work on my databases, write a letter to my senator , jack off (AGAIN) - hey the wife is asleep and not much I can do about it anymore, write a letter to my senator about crappy quality of infomercials,or ruminate some more. I chose ruminating.

What would have happened ? I just can't see myself without my artistic side. That is what makes me normal. That is what makes me alive and most importantly that is what makes me HUMAN. I work in the IT field where more and more of the programs are written to act like humans (with chaos theory introduced to reduce the effect of entropy - geeks , nerds correct me if I am wrong ) and more and more humans are expected to work like machines. THis paradox completely baffles me. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT A HUMAN BEING TO BE ANYTHING BUT ? If you destroy humanity at its most elemental level then you are a savage and I salute your savagery - now go back to the jungle you crawled back from and let me enjoy my HBO, Rembrandt and Jenna Jameson (Don't judge me, the wife is asleep) . So here is the crux of the problem -- as the week ends and I go back to the humdrum of the societal chaos sipping my coffee and performing my daily chores of flipping off my fellow citizens on my way to work I am reminded of a time when I was a child . This memory fills me with joy. Also the undisputable fact that most of the children brought up today will go through the same or similar rights of passage and will become (hopefully!!) like me - funny, smug and absolutely nuts.

My wife today asked me a question - "Honey, would you sing to the baby when he/she is in the womb ?" to which I replied "Do you want it to come out ?" but the elemental truth about it is that I believe the story of Abhimanyu who was tought 6 chapters out of 7 of warfare while he was in his mothers' womb by his uncle . I would not teach my child warfare but rather teach it the values that I hold dear such as cleanliness of mind, essential balance of the universe, the concept of universal brotherhood, the importance of hard work and how to avoid it, and lastly how to be funny ! That being said I don't care how cute the princess is she is NOT wearing my dresses and my shoes !! Thanks for reading my nonsensical ramblings. Now post a comment.

Love, Tapan Trivedi

2005-06-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

Miami Dade County

Miami Dade County Interview

2005-06-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

I interviewed with Miami Dade county for an Oracle DBA position. Being a tech whore that I am I always keep my options open and hence try to get an interview atleast every two weeks. This time it was Miami Dade county and I SLAMMED the interview. I was their FIRST choice. Also the instability at Cardsystems Inc did not help me try and stay . But wait there's more. Vitaver consulting - through whom I am going to go to the county told me that I will have to

1) Do a self administered drug test (redundant ??)
2) GO through an independent fingerprinting criteria
WHOA !!

Most of all NONE of these two were mentioned in the Statement of Work that we signed and agreed upon. For about 85$ an hour in Miami sounded good but this killed it for me. What would you do ? Please comment on this one .

I am not blaming Vitaver. They are excellent and professional in their conduct and I liked the CEO's personality. The recruiter was good too.

I am not blaming Miami Dade either. They are technically excellent and professional people.

Mainly I think its one of the procedural mistakes/omissions that I admit even I could make if I was in their position.

Sincerely,
Tapan

2005-06-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

Hanuman Chalisa

About Relegion, Creationism , Evolution , Monkeys and Gods.

2005-06-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I talked to my mom . She had my astrological chart matched with Mandy's and they said it is a 25 match which is as close to a great match that you can get. This is according to Vedic astrology. The highest possible match is 36. Anything beyond 25 -26 and you have 'too similar' a person. This concurs what our previous astrologer said about us. This is good.

She also said that I have the planet 'Shani' on my head right now till August and this means I have to do the Hanuman Chalisa till September to guard me .

I have been doing the joke 'Relegion is like a big dick - its a really nice thing to have but you don't want someone shoving it down your throat all the time' for about 5 years now.

I downloaded the Hanuman Chalisa and intend to do it twice a day. Am I a raging contradiction of sorts or what ? How can I have two separate tracks in my head - both on opposite ends and still actually believe in BOTH of them.

What am I ? Relegious , spiritual , both , none ? Who knows ? Who cares ? I do.

Hanuman incidentally is a GOD . He is also a monkey. I guess this is the power of nurture.

I believe I put myself at the cutting edge of technology most of the times. I have chased projects that have given me the intellectual knowhow to stay ahead of most developments in my field. I have been an experimental guinea pig for several corporations (technology vise) and have helped identify quite a few 'bug's' in the beta releases which they have thanked me for.

Yet at the same time I have absolutely NO PROBLEM going into a chant for a monkey GOD in the middle of what could be a personal cosmic crisis ! I guess when it comes down to it - my well being affects those around me . The ones whom I love . They being Mandy and my peeps. I will do ANYTHING to protect them from harm. And so if the slightest harm can be avoided by praying to a Monkey then so be it .

An interesting side line is that the debate on evolution and creation takes an interesting turn when you make the argument for creationism by saying "Yes, we did descend from monkeys - he just happens to be a God!". Thats it folks Hindus solved the debate about 4000 years back even before it started !!

2005-06-19T17:56:00.000-07:00

BatMan Begins

GM discounts - GM Layoffs

2005-06-19T12:11:00.000-07:00

GM announced that they are letting their valued 'customers' get the same discounts as their employees have been getting for years. This was very appealing when I also read
GM is laying off 25000 employees by the end of 2008. Today Ford announced that they will give discounts to employees and retirees for selling their cars.

This is IT people. This is IT. This is the mass conspiracy to put the entire Ford employee organization into car salesmen. What is GM trying to say to its employees ? We don't really need you , we think any bloke on the street is the same as you are AND we will give you 50$ if you refer somebody and you sell a CAR. Essentially you need to perform TWO job functions at GM to be called an employee BUT you could NOT work at GM and still get one of the BEST benefits ever ! To those of you in Detroit - I empathize with your plight. I will buy a bicycle this summer !

Gym, Cooking and other seemingly mundane stories

2005-06-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

We joined a gym. In accordance with Mandy's equation of marriage (1 + 1 = 3 theres me, theres you and then theres us - really cool! One of the main reasons I love her !). The gym falls under the US part. So we went to the Tucson Racquet and Fitness Club. I admire her tenacity on the Cybex circuit. She kept on going despite the fact that she was very tired. Apparently her first time on the circuit.
Also we went ahead and got a couple of slacks for me. I LOVED the way she fuddled over me and even came into the men's changing area TWICE ! Mari Gagi!
We went to Mens Wearhouse but after looking at the labels I changed my mind and went over to the Park's Place mall Macy's in Tucson. This turned out to be a good choice. We got two Dockers and even one shirt that I am wearing as I type this. These seemingly mundance occasions seem to increase my love for her day after day after day. And night after night after night.

Regarding Batman Begins!

2005-06-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

I saw the movie yesterday when Mandy went to her Astrology class. She took a ride home from a classmate. All I have to say is
"Thanks Mr.Nolan for making the movie grittier like the comic book and destroying the franchise "
In the latest version Batman is a man who roams on rooftops , often peering into peoples homes with a night vision scope I might add. Pervert !!! Hey if you wanna see a scary Christian Bale rent American Psycho. I saw that movie 5 years back and the chainsaw scene still freaks me out - mainly cause I don' t know how to operate one !
Katie Holmes - Get 'in' with Tom Cruise as soon as possible because if your acting in this movie is an indication of things to come then even Superman can't save you !

Chris Nolan - Please direct Memento -2 - where Guy finds out that the Topher guy from Matrix is not really the killer (oops!) and goes 'forward' in time to once again find the 'real ' killer.

Christian Bale :- Dude one indication that a script sucks is when you need TWO Oscar winners to make you look cool and one of them STILL steals the show.

Morgan Freeman :- Nothing dude ! You are as cool as ever !

Cilian Murphy :- Go fuck yourself ! You don't look scary at all ! Scarecrow ! You ! Not good puppy , not good.

No MORE PBS ? No MORE NPR ?

2005-06-10T14:24:00.000-07:00

"A House subcommittee voted yesterday to sharply reduce the federal government's financial support for public broadcasting, including eliminating taxpayer funds that help underwrite such popular children's educational programs as "Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow," "Arthur" and "Postcards From Buster."
In addition, the subcommittee acted to eliminate within two years all federal money for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting -- which passes federal funds to public broadcasters -- starting with a 25 percent reduction in CPB's budget for next year, from $400 million to $300 million. " -

There is a very good reason why I type this in BOLD AND RED ! This is a sign of an anti progress universe. This government is definitely trying to put us a GIANT LEAP backwards. How can you shut off something that started Sesame Street ? GoodBye Burt - Hello HeeHaw!!!

Tapan Trivedi
www.indiancomedian.com

Hardest Riddle on the internet!!

2005-06-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

I am at level 7 . Where are you ? What are you doing ?
Addictive ! Extremely addictive !
Tapan

The Power Of Tribe.net

2005-06-10T08:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I sent out this listing to my friends and my tribes on www.tribe.net .

Company:
www.indiancomedian.com
Rate: About 300$ max for the whole website redesign
(contract)
Type:
Contract
City:
Everywhere
The website is www.indiancomedian.com
1) Need to have a different funny / Indian look and feel for the website
2) Get a better page of Photographs
3) Get a better page of Clips Put an online store

This morning I came to see about 30 messages - make that proposals in my tribe messagebox. About 20 of them were from actual web designers. Now I have to make a spreadsheet with the respective quotes and the evaluation criterion! It gets better .

Tapan Trivedi

For the Indiancomedian.com website

2005-06-09T14:47:00.000-07:00

I need the following to be done

1) Need to have a different funny / Indian look and feel for the website
2) Get a better DVD made
3) Get a better page of Photographs
4) Get a better page of Clips

* Sell T Shirts after getting them made .
* Sell Bumper Stickers after getting them made.
* Sell DVD - Get merchant stuff on the Website .

If you think you can do this DO let me know at
tapan@indiancomedian.com

How to change from Yahoo Mail to Gmail

2005-06-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

How to Switch from Yahoo Mail to Gmail
Tired of Yahoo and want to try Gmail? Here's an easy guide to a hassle-free switch!

Steps
1. Read how-to get a Gmail account
2. Export your contacts from Yahoo mail: Go to >> Address >> View Contacts >> Import/Export >> Yahoo CSV.
3. Save the file on Desktop.
4. Log into Gmail.
5. Click on "Contacts" in the left hand sidebars.
6. Select "Import Contacts" from the options.
7. In "Browse," select the file on your Desktop. It will import all your contacts.

Tips
If you want to abandon your Yahoo account, go to "Mail Options" in Yahoo. Select "Vacation Response." Write a short note to announce to correspondents to send all emails to your new Gmail address, which you specify. This email will be sent to whoever emails you on your Yahoo. If you want, you can also send a quick email from Gmail to your Contact Book addresses informing them of your change.
If you're willing to pay the $20 per year for Premium Yahoo mail and want to auto-forward your email from Yahoo to Gmail, go to "Mail Options" in Yahoo. Select "POP and forwarding." Choose "forwarding" from the list and enter your Gmail address. Press "send."
It's possible to take your mail with you as well! Details are beyond the scope of this how-to, but check out http://mrpostman.sourceforge.net/ and http://sourceforge.net/projects/freepops/

Warnings
Remember to check your Yahoo account occassionally in case you have received an important message which the sender has not forwarded to your Gmail.
A key reason to log on periodically is that Yahoo will deactivate any account that has not been logged into for four months, as it will be deemed a "dormant account" (http://help.yahoo.com/help/us/mail/access/access-04.html)
Beware - gmail does not provide a way to Export your contacts ( though they make it easy to Import them). So if you want to back them up or transfer to another mail service you will be stuck. Google Don't be evil!

Oracle Acquires TimesTen

2005-06-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

This means that combined together with TimesTen Oracle will definitely get ahead of its realistic technology competitors like DB2 , PostGres etc . Don't expect returns anytime soon though - the benefits we reap will be about 1 to 1.5 years ahead.

Faith Based Diets - Praise the lord!

2005-06-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

I ain't kidding. CNN did a report on this yesterday and both me and Mandy saw it. My jaw dropped when I heard that. People are actually saying that this is a diet. This is how it works .
When you get hungry you pray ! Its brilliant in its simplicity. You don't eat - you pray to NOT be hungry! As opposed to the REST OF 60% of the world that is praying to EAT when one gets hungry ! God Bless America !

FireSpinners and NASCAR !!

2005-06-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

Now all those of us who have seen fire spinners for about a 100th time - there is nothing new to watch. Its the same poi, same spinners, the same patterns, the same drum music, the same atmosphere, the same people doing the same things over and over again - YET we watch it . With amazed faces akin to what a dog makes when I put him on the phone we watch. With tired eyes which are burning with the fumes of the fuel so carefully discarded from the dripping poi, with ears that are screaming for something other than the drums and the silent whooshing of the poi as it goes so near the body, occasionally touching it lightly , oh so lightly , and then leaving a welt - very much like a gentle but dedicated dominatrix. Why do we watch it ? Why do we listen ? I ponder . I lay awake at night watching my beautiful fiance's naked body as it gently rises and falls with each of her beautiful breath. Staring at the ceiling as it gently calls me. Staring at the full length mirror to see nothing but my ugly face ! And then BAM - just like that - it hits me.

The answer lies in quite the culturally opposite redneck phenomena called NASCAR. It has been around for decades. It has the same cars running the same circles and yet we watch. WHY ? BECAUSE ONCE IN A WHILE A REDNECK THINKS HE SAW A RED BREASTED WARBLER IN THE STANDS - THE ONE THAT HIS DADDY COULD NEVER (Translate NE'ER) SHOOT AND TRIES TO SHOOT IT WITH HIS OH SO EVERREADY AND LOYAL 12 GAUGE THAT HE KEEPS WITH HIM ALL THE TIME . AND AS HE GALLANTLY TRIES TO MULTITASK DRIVING THE VEHICLE AT 140MPH AND TAKING A DECENT SHOT AT THE WARBLER (Which in reality is a TShirt on an octagenerian who is fulfilling her last wish by coming to the track - courtesy of the Make a Wish foundation!!) HE FLIPS. HE FLIPS AND TAKES WITH HIM FOUR OR FIVE MORE OF HUMANITY'S CHEESIEST DISPLAYS OF MACHISMO AND EMPTY HEADS !! OH GOD ! DEAR GOD ! HOW WE ALL WISH AND PRAY FOR NASCAR CRASHES - WHICH PUTS AN END TO THE INCESSANT FARTING NOISES THAT THE CARS MAKE AND THE CULTURE THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT.

Now take a flip back to the counterculture. Talk about the fire dancers / spinners. Now fire spinning is not a sport YET. But I wish when I will have to pay $6.50 for a hot dog at an "ALL OUT FIRE OUT" in Davis, California where the star attraction is the final performance where everything goes awry and 20 odd people catch on fire with limited safety equipment (some things never change) and go running haywire , like a bad Lucy skit or something that we are more akin to see on the Simpsons and we laugh our degenerate stupid asses off till the fire spinners are cooked al dente.

God Bless America !!

Tapan Trivedi
www.indiancomedian.com
Tue, June 7, 2005 - 11:30 AM - permalink - 2 Comments

Back To Life - Back To Reality from Flipside!!

2005-06-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

So we are back from Flipside. After starting late on Thursday we reached on Friday afternoon . The event was a non stop roller coaster of fun ! We camped with Wonderlounge. Reverend Keith, Angelique, Atomic, Melody, Sensei Strange etc etc etc are ALL wonderful people who embody the burner philosophy fantastically. LOVE THEM ! I think next year going to Flipside is a lock because the venue is changing and tickets should be easily available.

Here are the photos of the BURN to start with.....
http://www.howhowhow.com/jaime/flipside2005/index.htm
http://www.nobear.com/photos/dave_and_his_monster.jpg
http://www.oneflameinthefire.com/liftoff/
http://www.plasmator.net/jj/ or http://www.plasmator.net/jj/
Album: "FLIPSIDE 2005".
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2125869238&code=16385000&mode=invite&DCMP=isc- email-AlbumInvite
password: burn05
http://www.weid.org/Burningman/BurnAustin_2005/Flipside-2005.htm

more on the way.

Peace,
Token Indian and Miss Taken

Poem for my love - Mandy!!

2005-05-16T16:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes....
I feel as if SHE made me from leftover clay
And then there are times the I don't.

Sometimes I feel that my life is an empty canvass
Just waiting to be painted on
Just waiting to be painted on
And then there are times that I don't.

Then there are times that I want to hover
Above over people when they are sleeping
And suck the sorrows out of their life
So that when they wake up , they say
WOW ! LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL !
And then there are times that I don't.

There are times that I feel that
Happiness is a space between your legs
Where there is peace, serenity and your womb
That will lead me to the generations to come
To nourish, to nurture and undeniably wound
Because we are human.

Happiness is the space on your bosom
Where there is abundance and fulfillment
Nurture , phillips, flathead and various other condiments
That will lead me to paradise.

That happiness is the outer traces of lips on your mouth
Where there is love , more love than most , just floating around.
To be drunk and be intoxicated .

That happiness is the hollowed cheeks when you smile
That happiness is the face you make when you dance
That happiness is the arms that feed me and pray with me
That happiness is being near you, next to you and at times being you.
That happiness is nothing but knowing that you exist and that your existence brings joy to my life and other's.
That happiness is that chord through which you bind me,surround me, find me.
That happiness is you
You You You YOu You You You You you You.
AND There isn't anytime that I don't think that.

To my love Mandy

Poems From a Grey Grey Cubicle

2005-02-25T15:55:00.000-08:00

Poems from a grey grey cubicle :-

Little Journey into myself

I saw a little rabbit brown and fluffy
Hop across my office on the outside of the solid glass.
I see a beautiful blossom on the trees
I see my manager shouting on the phone
I chuckle as he says ' I can do that if you finance my divorce!'

I see a blue jay on the tree branch
I see as it moves its little blue jay ass from branch to branch.
I want to know if the rabbit saw the blue jay.
I want to know if you love me ?

I see your photographs in my head as I listen to music and go away.
I see you dancing in my head as I listen to music and go away.
I see you move and I see you groove
I see the puzzles that make you ponder
As I smile shyly and I shyly wonder

Do you know I exist ?
Do you know I am human ?
Do you know if I have a heart ?
Do you know if I we make a spark ?
You embark on a new journey in life .
You emerge out of the embers of your previous self
You glow - you golden Phoenix - in your lovely strife
I draw even further as I split me in my other self.

So this soldier of fortune accepts defeat
Caressing a broken and wounded heart
Beating my heart into a broken beat
I lie, I cry, I stay awake,
I see the rabbit again
I see the blue jay
I hear the shouting
I am back .
I am back.
I am.

Tapan Trivedi

2005-02-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

Police Dog Search Joke :-

In the state of California it is now legal for a highway patrol officer
to use drug sniffing dogs if the officer chooses to.

In the state of California it is now legal for a highway patrol officer
to use drug sniffing dogs if the officer chooses to.
So now I keep bacon in my car along with pot.

To confuse the dogs.
Now I face a terrible dilemma.

If I get the munchies do I eat the bacon ?
So someone said keep a female dog in heat and you will be OK.
So I gave an ad in the paper asking for "Bitch in Heat"

I got so many phone calls from gay guys.

2005-01-27T09:32:00.000-08:00

Avoid like the plague :-
Expressions that don't hold true anymore. Yesterday at a gathering of friends my friend Mark uttered the words I avoid it like the plague. I don't think I have actually made any efforts to avoid the plague. Now why might that be ? Maybe its because we have GOTTEN RID OF IT. It dosen't exist except for a biblical reference anywhere. I think we should update the expression to something more meaningful like
avoid it like commitment or
avoid it like responsibility or
avoid it like Amway.

Tapan

2005-01-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

No Boozing :-

To start with I am not a big drinker by any means. Once in a while I have a beer or a nice glass of vine (Sorry mamma !!) or my Colorado Bulldog but besides that I pretty much am a teetotaler but still I am on a pledge to not consume any alchohol for 30 days starting 5th of Jan. Yesterday was my first acid test wherein I did a show in San Fran and got off without a single drop in me at all. I am happy and proud. This is purely to support a couple of friends who are doing this and its also sort of an competition........

2005-01-10T01:33:00.000-08:00

Hanging out at the Punchline :-
I just got back from San Francisco. I went to the Punchline Comedy Club. The rule there is that you have to hang out for about 8 months before they give you a set. That sucks but I am putting my time in. It is a pain to drive for 1.5 hours to and back to NOT go up on stage but then I like hanging out with other comics over there. Tonight was especially different as one of the girls in the audience was especially upset over a joke that a comic did . She was of Asian descent , as evident by her lovely features. The comic (I believe his name was Rob Booker ) did a joke about being in a Chinese restaurant and being high and reading the menu upside down. It was a marginally funny joke but he made is funny . Things escalated when she was completely enibriated and REFUSED to get out of the club. She went on to throw champagne at the comic on stage (a very expensive drink !!) and if I am not mistaken she slappped the wonderful bouncer guy . They actually had to call the cops to take her away from the club. Larry Bubbles Brown followed and KILLED the audience by riffing and then getting back into his act. Ryan Stout did an excellent job of MCing a difficult situation. All in all a good night.

2005-01-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

Burner Gathering :-
First Fridays are Burner Gatherings where the Sacramento Valley Burners meet . I haven't gone to them a couple of months now but I went yesterday. Dr.Dave was there, Me and Dhanya went together. Met a few interesting people there. Was nice to see three of the Fab Four there. Actually they are the 'Terrific Three ' now unless Tony hooks up with someone soon in which case I will be glad to bestow the moniker back to them. Thanks to MusicVixen for putting together a great one.

Grass Valley :-
My work is taking me to Grass Valley today. I am trying to get together with Dan, Anna, Tamara and of course Jenny Ray if I can. All in all it should be a good trip.

2005-01-05T13:09:00.000-08:00

GOALS FOR 2005 :-
Why do I even freaking bother with this ? Because I am all about constantly gauging where I am and evaluating and plotting my life. I want to know what I am doing and tweak the direction of my efforts to a particular goal. Thats why !! That and I am a Virgo .

Creative Goals :- *Do atleast 75 shows this year.
*Start sending out demo to bookers and agents.
Details on the same to emerge.
*Make website more interesting.
*Get into atleast 8 A list clubs as a semi regular.

Day Job Goals :-

*Try to attend the IOUG -A this year.
*Take Oracle Implementation production to 10g .

Goals as a son/brother :-
* To motivate dad to be a LOT more mobile than he is right now.
* To start the process to get mom and dad here once again.
* Spend more time with Niyati (my neice)

Producer/Director :-
Make the 12 minute short and promote it to atleast 3 Film Festivals. Hopefully it will get into one of them.

Health Goals :-
* Try to work out 3 times a week for atleast 30 minutes.
* Get back into Yoga
* Diet with Anna Nathan's suggestion.

Personal /Romantic goals :- *
Try to build a relationship with some wonderful girl that will have the light shine in my life. Essentially , enough of hunting, I want to nest now.

More to come but this is all for now.

Tapan Trivedi

2004-12-29T13:33:00.000-08:00

I am a musical instrument :-
A fan mailed me an interesting snippet from the net. I am apparently a musical instrument . If you go here - http://www.macedoniadirect.com/music/instrum/tapan.htm you can order a 18", 20" or a 22" Tapan. If you go here - www.indiancomedian.com and send an email you can get a 10",11" or a 12" Tapan for a private show !!!!! Apparently more people beat on me than this Tapan. Hey how would you found out that your name meant an instrument in another language ?? How would you like someone calling you a drumstick or worse a catherter ??
Tapan Trivedi

2004-12-29T10:40:00.000-08:00

Christmas Yule Celebration at my place :-About 12 of my closest friends (non comics) came over to my place on Christmas day and we had a BLAST. I love my gang. I can only summarize with LOTS and LOTS of feelings left over that I can't possibly convey through writing. So without editing I put out the email I sent after the celebration was over.

All of you guys and gals,

Thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you , thank you so much for coming to my place and making me feel so welcome in your lives and hearts.

Candace, thanks for being your wonderful self . I hope you like the Henna set. I wanted to go with camping gear but then I can never give you anything and be SURE you would not have it already so I went with something both you and Dave could use .

Dave,
Thanks for coming early and hanging out and having fun and helping me out with everything. I always enjoy talking to you and I really appreicate your offbeat sense of humour. One of the few people who make me laugh.
Jenn Dieges,
Hi. Although you could not make it you were missed and we have a little gift for you that we will send your way snail mail - just the way you like it.

Jen Lyles (Bond) Thanks for coming early and helping out with everything. I am sorry you are not doing so well today . I will pray for you to be alright soon. Hope you like the book. I was not quite sure if you will go for it or not so I saved the receipt but you said today that you were talking about it with your mom and she liked it too so that is cool !!

Jennifer and Sney and Timmy and Stitch :-
Thanks for the wonderful Indian food and the wonderful fruitcake etc. You guys made my day. Timmy thanks for your wonderful presence (minus biting my ass - literally). Guys, I said this yesterday and I am saying this again - Timmy put things in perspective for me yesterday when I asked him on the phone "Where are you ?" and he point blank answered "I am right here. Talking to you on the phone!" Opened up a lot of things in my psyche ! ALso thanks for all the help on my demo reel Sney. Jen, you are wonderful and I hope you loved your gifts. That actually goes for all of you minus Stitch who I admit I totally missed in my shopping list. I will make sure that does not happen again. Sney , the book that I gave you had some thought put into it and I hope you like it. Jen , your gifts , without a doubt , easiest to shop for. Timmy , you were one of the harder ones and I still owe you one IOU. Ask your mom what that means.

Nick and Tamara, :-
Nick the Java Struts was an easy one to get for you. Since I really didn't know you all that well I decided to use what I did know about you. Poker night on Jan 15th at y'alls house. I will be there barring some weird stuff happening. Send an evite. Tamara , you enlightened the party with you wonderful presence. Thanks for engaging people and bringing over Jenny Ray with you. I had an absolute blast hanging out with that wonderful spirit - with or without spirit. The _expression on your face when you got that gift was priceless. And yeah thanks Nick for setting the bar that much higher for the rest of us guys here. .Kidding !!

Jenny Ray :- Thanks for coming and welcome to the area from all of us here at the party and beyond. We look forward to more of you.

Dhanya,
Although you weren't around we missed you and your presence was felt all around. Wish you were here.

Jill and Emily,
Emily -
Thanks for doing all the shopping for me. All the little items you got were greatly appreciated by all of us and it seems like all of us here loved you and your presence. Could do with a little less sulking though but its your God given right as a teenages. I will make sure I have simms installed on my compute for you next time. You lasted seven straight hours and it seems most of the time you were having fun. I still owe you 20 for the stocking and you need to give the stocking back to Lyons to complete the circle. Hope you liked your presents and I still need to get you that one T Shirt from that one teenagy store at the mall.
Jill,
Thanks for being so wonderfully you. THanks for sending your daughter to shop fo rme. Thanks for all the help you gave me and all the thoughtful presents that you got for me. Hope you liked yours. You have been an excellent friend to me all throughout this endeavour and I honestly would not have dared to make this happen without you . I actually could not have made this happen without all of you guys.

Mark and Anna,
You guys brought the food, the sauce, the presents, the love, the bed, the truck, the soul, the thoughts, the music and the dancing. Thanks for all the help and your wonderful love before and especially after the gathering. I love you guys. Can't imagine life without you guys.Hope you liked the presents that I gave you.

LASTLY I wanted to thank all of you guys for being so wonderful to my mom and dad and thanks to all of you who talked to them. They kept on going on and on about all of you guys today. Also they think it was just one Jennifer that talked to them three times.

THOSE who took photographs :- Please post them ASAP so that I can order prints online and send them home. I cant escape not sending these photographs home.......

LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE ,
Yours truly,
Tapan Himanshu Trivedi

2004-12-25T14:09:00.000-08:00

Accused :-
Is there anything worse than being accused of things that you are not even sure you are responsible for ? Doing my regular gig at Pepperbellys (www.pepperbellys.com) I found many disturbances in my limited 10 minute set. I had two hecklers. Actually just obnoxious people and one drunk. The drunk was easier. I made a little fun of him . He was loud but harmless and accomodating . My friend Spiritwalker talked to him and he went and sat in a back seat. That took about 4 minutes. My set was going good and I paid my compliments to the wonderful black gentleman who sang a beautiful song to his wife of four years. I said something about never leaving her husband - even after death. I said something like "Screw that 'till death do us part' crap and follow him beyond the grave." She liked it. The trouble came in the form of two teenagers sitting in the front row. They were loud and obnoxious. I played with them for a couple of minutes. That was fun. They shut up - mommentarily. Then they started talking again. This time I had to devote more attention to them. I slammed them by saying that ' They have a few laughs and then I called them monkeys , primarily because one of the guys had two or three paper napkins stuffed in his mouth. At that point he stopped and said " If you don't stop I will take this personally." and then proceeded to take out what could possibly be a gun from his jacket. I made my typical gay joke and got the hell out of the club. I consider this a lesson learnt. Never call a black kid a monkey. Never mess with gang members. I hope he dies a horrible death.
Tapan

2004-12-16T16:17:00.000-08:00

Written for someone special at a time when life seems larger than anything I can hold up to.

When the heart does churn
At every nook and turn
And you see someone who's not there
And what you feel is an optimistic despair
Do you call that missing ?

Do you call that missing
or do you call that an IM from the heart
To the heart - minus any icons or avatars.
Beyond the ups , downs, highs, valleys and pars.

I see her more in a box with a kiss
I here her more than the physical abyss
I close my eyes and take a look at you
I see more than what there is to you.

Deepness of the soul and deepness of the heart
I hope I am not emptying the cart
The cart of something that I have so sweet
I urge myself to wish and repeat

All that I have done and thought about you
All that is false and all that is true
I love your soul and I love your brand
I love all that for which you stand

I wish to stand in front of you
Naked - spiritually and physically,
Tell you all that I hold true

Just open up myself basically.
YEs I know I can be hurt
yes I know I can be maimed
I have been there before
Broken, beatdown, hurting and stained.

But we fall to get up again
The lessons of life are not so plain
There are colours black and white and shades of gray.
We get through the day on faith - I pray
That you see what I see here and now.
That you see what I see here and now.
Tapan

2004-12-13T01:49:00.000-08:00

Party at My Place :-
Me and my roommate Joe gave a party this weekend on Friday. It was fun . Although initially stressed out about the idea of giving a party it turned out really good. Jill and Dhanya came in early and helped me clean up. I have Lakmeet from my work living with me for a couple of weeks and he also helped out. There were about 45 odd people there and that was good. I was glad that Joe's friends and my friends were able to hang out and mingle. Full kudos to Mark for getting out of JLees and coming over and cooking the wonderful salmon !! I went over to his place later on in the night to get in his hot tub with some gals but never did. The party was cool with Dhanya DJing with some cool fusion music and Joe just putting on good techno himself. The Burning Man snaps projected were an absolute HIT ! People loved them. The comics turn out was not as many as I thought it would be. Dave Bothun left early but he was getting into some serious making out with his girlfriend on the front porch. Brie didn't make it. Amy sent some pretty disheartening stuff back with Will but that is cool. I took about three rolls worth of pictures. I will post them soon. I gotta send them home too. Next day I went to a steakhouse (actually Tony Romas ) with Mark and Anna. Anna ate a steak after a year. That was cool to see. It was an absolute pleasure to play the "Totally Insane Card Game" with them at Tony Romas. Saw Ocean's Twelve tonight and went and performed at Ocean's Lounge. The movie has some funny momments but as compared to the original one -- not as much plot driven. Many many holes left in the movie and a weak ass plot. Still the sequel magic will take it on to a successful movie. I think they wasted Bernie Mac in this movie. The entire sentimental bullshit with Catherine Zeta Jones' father should have been left out. Mr. Soderberg you let me down. You could have done so much more. But then you are the man so I guess its OK.
I got an email from a nice gal in Indiana to do some standup at a gala over there. It sounds interesting. Its in March so I just might do it. Still waiting for Mantram to publish my interview. And the Maharaja's of Comedy idea sounds better and better everytime I think about it.
More later.

2004-12-08T11:43:00.000-08:00

Hello we're back ! And we're taking calls !
I am back after a 3 month hiatus due to laziness being extremely busy and a myriad of other factors. Since then I have done several gigs, lots of shows,broke up with a couple of girls, went to BurningMan, started working at SGS Testcom, completed the Landmark Forum, got my Porsche Boxster stolen, got a new Mustang GT Convertible, decompressed from BurningMan, made a very cool new friend - Jill and her daughter Emily - who is quite a challenge for any mom, went to several hot tub parties, taped a DVD, got the ball rolling on Maharajas of Comedy an India based comedy show which has the go live date of February. I keep on writing now.
Tapan Trivedi

2004-08-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Gig in Davis :-
I did Roma's Cafe in Davis . My friend in funniness Eric Miller runs the room. There were about 30-35 people in the room including comics. I did about 15 or so minutes . The show was an excellent exercise in riffing with the audience. I think I found a workable ply in the gay jokes.
SpiritWalker closed the show off. Notable performances include Kevin Young, Cheese , that Lyon guy and Ray.

Hanging out with Brie :-

Brie was in town for a seminar so I went and saw her and FINALLY gave her the digital camera that I had for her. I also got her a memory card which takes FAR more pics then what the camera holds, a two year replacement agreement and a starter kit. She was happy. We went and had lunch/dinner at Sunflower off off 50. It was nice to see Paige there. Had fun and then went to Davis.

2004-08-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

August 9th was a long and tiring day :-
Here is what happened. I went to work after recovering from working all day with the Karma Chickens. After work (which is still dragging the soul out of me) I went to see De Lovely with Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd. Good movie though it was terribly slow moving. Then I went to the Landmark Forum Seminar . Three hours and I got my group. It was good to see Mark and Anna there. I like my group members so far. Then I went to the writing session which I now call 'Joke Club ' . I went unprepared. That is not good. I needed to write down the premises and flush them down before I went there. Instead of the movie I should have done that. Then at around 11:20 I rushed down to J Lees to get my dinner. I ran into Leah ( from what I understand she is a porn star- why is everyone in those movies a 'star'.) . She was extremely sloshed so I offered to drive her home. Home is Joe and Angelas place. I drove her home which she thought was off off Auburn on 80 . It is actually at Truxel and San Juan. I finally drove her home after calling poor Joe and waking him up at around 12:50 at night. When I reached home it was around 1:30. I crashed. I need a good act. I need to memorize my jokes in order. I do Davis tonight. I am excited.

2004-08-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

It has been three weeks since I posted here and a lot of things have happened since. First of all I attended the LandMark Forum three weeks back which helped me unload a few cobwebs off my psyche and helped me get back into the comedy game. I think I will quit my day job to focus on standup. I want to do standup about 7 nights a week.

Renaissance Faire :-
I went to a Ren Faire party on Saturday night (Aug 7th) in Novato ,CA. Having heard much about the parties when I met Amy Geiger , my fellow comic Will Kendrigan's roomate and heard that she was into that I asked if I could go. She invited me and I went. It was a SpeakEasy theme party so that guys wore the Speakeasy Fedoras and vests and such and the gals wore flapper costumes. The setup was that we all went but the guys weren't invited 'in' till 11:00 p.m. ONLY GALS and their 'slaves'. Slaves were guys who wore leather vests and thongs. We had a hotel suite booked and we went there after the Fair and changed and then went to the party. Amy looked gorgeous and hot. Her friend Roy looked adequate. I looked cool. Friends Paris and Steve looked cool and collected. We went to the party and got in . I shot pool with a few guys hearing the shouts and hoots and jeers coming from inside the party. By the time 11:00 p.m. rolled in we couldn't wait to get inside. Once we got in we saw the brilliance of the setup. The gals were already drunk. No guys had to work on getting them 'there'. A few tops were off and by the time the night rolled off every top was off. One of the 'traditions' apparently was that every guy gets spanked so when two gals came and asked me to drop trou - I didn't hesitate. The hands were soft and surly so the spanks weren't exactly centered but still it did the job. The paddle though was unnecessary . They complained about my butt not getting red enough. I ain't white bitch! Its gonna take a while. But the threekiss that followed more than made up for the spanking. I was concerned when one of the gals dropped to her knees cause I was not up for any booty (love Brie!) but she just playfully pulled my pants up and left with a wiggle of her butt. I thoroughly enjoyed the party. Had a lot of fun dancing with all those half nekkid women. I did not drink more than two beers and one drink. Since I was driving I allowed myself time to come down and also drank two coffees to get back into a decent mental shape. I slept on the floor at the hotel cause I didn't want to sleep with Amy and Roy. All in all great way to spend a Saturday night.

Karma Chickens dome setup and work weekends :-

Since Burningman is just around the corner the Chickens have been working to get the setup in order. Yesterday all day we worked at Jason's dads garage to get the tubing for the dome in shape. We cut the tubing in shape, then we pressed the ends into shape by a 20 ton press, then we drilled a hole into the pressed ends of the tubing , then we bent the pressed/drilled ends at a 12 degree angle . Lastly we fine tuned the holes by two cordless drills and made sure that there were no excess metal at the holes and that the holes had a smoot taper. The excess metal tends to loosen when the bolts are tied in . Me, Mark, Anna and Jason worked for about 8 hours to get all those things done. Later that night I went over to Mark's and had dinner . While talking to Mark I realized that he collected different things which inlcuded springs, safety pins , grommets and my personal favourite (and I shit you guys not) LINT. One of my best friends collects lint including belly button lint . I am flabbergasted with this realization. His girlfriend Anna is a step further. She collects her lint from her dryer and brings it from Grass Valley to Sacramento . Here is how the conversation went :-

Mark :- I collect lint.
Jason :- Belly button too ?
Mark :- Yes.
Anna :- I get lint for him. You guys should do it too.
Mark :- I am so into lint.
Anna :- Mark, I have something to ask you.
Mark :- What ?
Anna :- Do you not prefer my lint ? The last two times I brought it over you asked me to put it into the trashcan saying that you will pick it up later.
Mark :- Thats cause the trash can was filled with lint.
Anna :- No, there was other trash in the can too. You just don't like my lint. Its OK. You can tell me.
Mark :- I know. I can tell you but I love your lint baby.
Anna :- Why do you not like my lint ?
Mark :- I haven't got anything against any lint.
Tapan:- So you will take my lint if I gave you. Or anyone's lint ?
Mark :- Hell no.
Tapan:- So you do have lint issues.
Mark :- No. I will only accept lint if I know where its coming from.
Tapan:- Dosen't most lint come from dryers or belly buttons ?
Mark:- I just want to know who its coming from .
Tapan:- So you are discriminating in your lint choices ?
Anna :- If you don't like my lint you should just tell me so .
Mark:- I love your lint chiquita.
Tapan:- Mark , you are a disquieting lint connouisuer and I admire that about you despite the fact that it weirds me out.
Tapan:- Anna, if your biggest complain is that he dosen't like your lint then you should just be quietly satisfied in the fact that you are probably one of the happiest women in the world.
Anna:- I love Mark.

This actually happened. This actually did happen.

2004-07-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

The LandMark Forum :-
I have popped. The institution that I thought was a cult is just that. But cults in itself are not bad. Relegions are not bad either. Just when they go overboard they are. This is what happened .
I spent Friday , Saturday and Sunday at the Sacramento Convention Center.

2004-07-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

Wednesday :-
Yesterday , Wednesday, July 15th I .....

went to work
saw King Arthur
Had dinner with associates from Phoenix and Blue Cross Blue Shield (Ron Lasita ,Byron Baker, Niraj Mehta and Anand Prakash).
Did Standup at PepperBellys
Hung out with audience members (Amanda, Athena etc) at Mels Diner.
Worked with Jaclyn on her jokes at night

Two Jobs at the same time !!

2004-07-14T08:23:00.000-07:00

Two Jobs at the same time :-
The last week (week of 6th July to 13th July) I had two day jobs. While continuing the job at Firsthealth I took up another job at aximus. It was an interesting exercise running between both the jobs and doing them both well. My supervisor at Maximus was one of the most scattered guys I have seen in the business. He assigned me to be the DBA for the Kansas City Project for Healthy Families. He also wanted me to do an IAS setup of an application that was developed at Maximus. That was not something that I had done before. In totality he put spent not more than 70 minutes in the 7 days that I spent there. He gave the Kansas project to the new DBA and I was supposed to do the entire IAS setup.
With a few difficulties I did that but I guess in his mind that was not good enough. Besides he was not clear that there was a time limit for the same. I asked him twice if there was one to which he said there ain't . Yesterday he told me that he is letting me go cause he dosen't think I am making progress. I agreed. I wasn't making progress. What I was doing was not something that I was hired for and was not something I have ever done before. In the interview he kept on going on and on about how the DBAs needed to be political over here and how the oncalls were brutal etc. All of which I was ready for but I had never done the IAS stuff before. I worked with the web.xml and httpd.conf and the formsweb.cfg and the dcmctl commands and the emctl commands etc. This was a good learning experience and I was happy to see the result - a working application and that is something no one can take away from me. However , I will be more careful in the future before taking on an assignment with a guy who I had a feeling about that was scattered but did not act on it......

2004-07-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

Gig Weekend :-
I travelled with Rick Pulito , my comedy mentor in Sacramento , to do gigs in Medford, OR ; Yreka, CA and Reno,NV.
Medford, OR - Ground Zero :-
The Medford , OR gig was a fun one to do. I did about 35 minutes and handed it over to Rick. Rick did his usual 50 -60 minutes. The crowd was still building when I was on stage and that being a bar setting cell phones were going off and people were coming in the club etc. But I had fun and got my laughs all the same. I made a few jokes about me doing jokes at a place called Ground Zero which hit hard . We partied with the Bachelorette party at the club . Danced till they kicked us out of the club . The kicker came when a HOT HOT Spanish girl came up to me and RIck and asked if we spoke Spanish. I told Rick could. Apparently SHE WANTED TO HOOK UP WITH ONE OF THE GIRLS WE WERE DANCING WITH FOR HER HUSBAND. WOW ! I have never wanted to be a girl so much before in my life......
The next day we went ahead and saw Spiderman -2.
Yreka, CA - Bobs Bowling Alley :-
This was a surreal show. The crowd was a small but enthsiastic one. There were about 20 people but they were hungry for laughs and we were eager to deliver them. I riffed for about 10 minutes and did a total of 45-50 minutes. Rick then went on and did about 110 minutes and about an hour of it was simply from the top of his head. They were with him all the time. Thanks Rick for reminding me what real standup is all about........

Reno,NV :-
We left Yreka and travelled to Reno,NV as Rick wanted to do the Harrah's competition again. I took over the driving part for the last hour and he slept. I wanted him to be as prepared as possible. I prayed to God to have him win as he has been very upset about his not being in the final in the recent weeks. He WON. Tom Mclaine was the second. We went and saw 'Showgirls' . The manager for the Sapphire Lounge put both of us ahead of the line and put us up in the very front row and comped our drinks. Thanks Mike for making that happen.

2004-07-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

Del's Pilot :-

Del Van Dyke , the godfather of Sacramento Comedy taped the pilot for his show yesternight. It was interesting to watch a live taping of a comedy show. It was funny watching Del go "We will be right back after these messages". His guests 'that night' were the guy who is the voice of the Sacramento Kings Basketball Team. Tom McClaine worked with him as a co host. Best of Luck to both Del and Tom for selling it as a viable commercial enterprise. I could not help but notice the lack of a producer and a warm up artist for the show. The times that they were not on stage it was a not happening place. The music man , although a cool sax player, missed his cue a few times but overall I was VERY impressed by the quality of the show that he produced. He also had Dominique, Mark Yaffee and Rick Pulido go up and do standup. It seems Rick Pulido finally has a kickass 5 minute set. I know he has so much material it has been hard for him to boil his act down to a 5 minute stuff. He killed and had fun with it too. I would love to see the demo tape when its made to see the final outcome. He had three cameramen with XL1S cameras filming the stuff. He also had one guy with a video camera just moving amongst the audience and taping stuff. It was an interesting setup and I hope to do the same one day ! ALL IN ALL CHEERIO , DEL, KEEP IT HAPPENIN !!

Partying with the Reno comics and audience members afterwards :-
Wayne and Josie from Reno had come on over to Sacramento to do the open mike nights. It was fun hanging out with them. Two people from the audience also came along to hang out with us which is always fun. Me,Wayne, Josie,Marie and her friend went to my place , which they seemed to like. I had cold beer and no ice. I need to change that. It was nice hanging out with them till late late at night. Josie had one of her 'friend' come on over and he brought us some ice so that was good. This makes three consecutive nights that I have slept really really late. Last night due to comics and hanging out. The night before due to the Club Avalon comedy competiton and the night before that due to coming back from the rainbow gathering and dropping Brie off in Grass Valley.

2004-07-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

RainBow Gathering :- It was amazing, meloncholy, insightful, loving, interesting, enjoyable, thought provoking , messy, needy, intensely sensual and sexual and mostly a LOT of FUN. Met a LOT of people. Traded my small drum for a BIG guitar and the BIG guitar for a BIGGER drum. Fun at the trade circle. Next time I will take a whole more of the jewelery that will actually fit people (adults) , also necklaces etc. Candy is always a good trade there. Tools also. Mainly mj and mush but that is not my realm. Also if I can get some cool idols from India that will be a good thing to give to people . I met Brie Snaith there. This was the second time that meeting her changed my life for the better for me. I had just traded the small drum for the guitar and I was high on that and then I saw her. Yes, you can be high on life with a sight. She had some problems with Liza and that was not cool but then she always has problems with Liza. She moved the campsite three times. We moved our campsite (me and Candace) once but that was because we set our tent smack dab in the middle of the trade circle. We came in at night and hence we were not able to see where we were camped. We woke up in the middle of the trade circle hoping no one had traded 'US' for some good 'zujus' . Liza moved her and Brie's tents three times. That is WAY too much. Then after a screaming match she left BEFORE the BIG OHM. NOT COOL AT ALL. I was glad that Brie did not miss the entire big OHM and the kids parade. Talking of kids I met Clover - the little girl who took my heart at the Sierra Nevada World Music Festival. There is something about the child that just bleeds my heart. The kiddishness reminds me of something I used to be and I can feel that kid inside me the best when I am around other kids. They don't think its cool when I keep the marbles I win but then I win them fair and square. I gave Clover and her friends a couple of bangles and bindis. They all looked so cute and funny with their painted faces. Also had a great time hanging out with Cathleen and Anna (both Brie's friends) who are absolutely charming ladies to hang out with. I did a tarot reading for Anna who I think had a good reading. I gave my camera to Cathleen and am hoping that she gets a few good snaps and forwards me the copies. The yoga camp workshop for contact improv was awesome - except for that part where I smashed my partner - but as she agreed it was her fault.
Thank you to all those of you who ran those wonderful wonderful kitchens.
The Krishnas
The Krishnas 2 - Hari Bol
Crucial Kitchen
Brew Ha Ha - lots of memories there.
Musical Veggie Kitchen.
Jesus Kitchen
Vegas Village Kitchen
Lovin Ovens
Pop Corners
There were about 60 kitchens and I thank ALL OF YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL WONDERFUL FOOD THAT YOU COOKED FOR ALL OF US. I LOVE YOU. KEEP ON LOVING YOU.
This post would not be complete if not for the mention of the Native Americans who came and talked at the Tribal Council about how the hippies (Rainbows) were desecrating their sacred burial grounds - I have never seen a speech generate so much controversy in the people who don't have any rules for life.
The Forest Service Rangers actually brought the Native Americans (the Indians Tapan, they are Indians)to the tent which goes on to say that this was a creative way of opposing the Rainbows. Much better than the strong armed tactics they have used in the past. Keep it up Rangers. You are coming around to our ways now. You have tried for 32 years to keep us down but NOW you know how to 'fight' us.
Dhanya also showed up. I hung out with her and told her to meet me and Brie at Granola Funk but I am assuming she never showed up. I took my blanket off so that she could see the white kurta I was wearing and moved around FIVE times shivering my ass off she would have seen me if she was there . And if she missed me all those five times she would have seen me when I went up and did standup but I am SURE - wherever she is - she had fun.
There is so much I can write but I gotta go. I dropped Brie at her place yesternight and the Porsche had a messed up tire. I just got all the tires replaced and I now have a fucking tire losing the air. I am so so mad at the Les Schwab guys.

2004-06-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

Rainbow Gathering and Japan :-
I am going to the Rainbow Gathering in Modoc County with my friend and confidante Candace Young. I am not prepared for the same. I am not prepared for anything. I just want to go and belong. I will take some good stuff for the trade circle. The rest is a whirlwind of stuff that I will intake after the show tonight.

I talked to Kay Frazier who is considering sending me and Rick to Japan to do shows for the military. It is one of the more exciting gigs that I have been considered for.

2004-06-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

Mark and the dark :-
My friend Mark has been facing some problems with having an open heart. He invited someone into his house and that guys turned out to be a psycho or so I hear. Something about fish-heads and stones ceremony at the river etc. On 6/28 (Monday) evening I talked to him and he sounded completely beat. I went over to his place despite the fact that I had invited a few people over to finish off the leftovers from the BIG party. I went and talked to him and finally convinced him to come over to my place. The logic was that being alone in the kind of state of mind that he was in was not a healthy thing. Once he came over he was happy. Cheese and Jaclyn were already there. We fired up the grill and he started doing what he does best - cooking. In the meantime Dave Bothun, Mike E Winfield and E Clark told me that they wanted to sit together and write jokes. I am always up for that so I invited them over. Over two bottles of vine and a few beers we had fun writing jokes. Kylie invited Amber and Julie . Finally Denise came over in her good little Burner Garb. She is a gem. She massaged Mark to sleep and he crashed on my bed. I crashed in the nook. Jaclyn crashed. Just crashed. I don't know when Cheese took off . But all in all it was a good night. I took Mark home at around 5:30 a.m. when he woke me up.

Tapan

2004-06-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

Burning Man Decompression and John Kerry Party :-The verdict is clear... The party was a HUGE success. I was expecting about 30 people and ended up with about 75. DJ Triton and Mike from San Francisco spinned delightful trance music. My basement was turned into an impromptu den for my burner friends. About 8 comics and one juggler did their acts giving about 90 minutes of good standup. Thanks to Mychael for all her help before the party. Love her and her wonderful face. Thanks to Ben Rue for all his help and the blacklight etc. Thanks to Dragon for ALL his help. HAD and absolute blast. Thanks to PainJoy and the gang for bringing the vibrating panties to the party. They were wonderful. AND LASTLY THANKS to Mark and Anna and Jennifer for the sushi - wonderful, lovely , beautiful sushi that you served at my party. That pretty much made the night for the entire party. LOVE all the burners for their love and support. Only at a Burning Man party can the number of people double and the host can still have things LEFT OVER. I am barbecueing tonight for the leftovers.....
I can't thank the people enought. Here is a list of all those who came.

Don Button
Jaclyn
Ben (Jaclyn's Friend)
Mychael
Cheese
Nancy Bui
The cute couple that showed up in the beginning
Ron and his wife.
Linda
Kylie
DJ
Danielle
Art
Becky
Dragon
Mrs.Dragon
Kimmee
Painjoy + 3
The beautiful gal from Vienna
Troy
Dhanya
Mark
Anna
Jennifer
Timmy
Daniel With Jennifer
Vanessa
Vanessa's Friend
Robert (from San Francisco)
His three friends
Beth (my wonderful neighbour)
Triton
Mike (Triton's friend from San Fran)
Blair Barton
Scott Davis
Dave Tamayo
Sterling
Sterlings Friend and the beautiful girl that he brought
Mark Nash and his female friend.

I see a LOT of faces that came but I do NOT remember their names.

THANKS A LOT FOR COMING AND WELCOMING MY HUMBLE ABODE.
LOVE AND PEACE
TAPAN

2004-06-23T02:00:00.000-07:00

Late Night Blues :-

I look at your pictures in my head
As I listen to Tom Waits croon in the back
Sleep is not my friend tonight
Trying to fight this lonely fight
I miss you I miss you I miss you tonight

Wish you were here with your smile and your curse
I will do anything for you even carry your purse
As I sit and try to laugh a bit
Try to take this dagger from my heart
The world in my face does spit
And I wonder why we face it apart
I hate its strength and I hate its might
I miss you I miss you I miss you tonight

So you are broken and you have been hurt
Show me somebody who ain't
I have suffered the blow I have seen my blood spurt
I have stood on the doors of heaven only to see St.Peter faint
I have had enough of the insults , enough of spite
I miss you , I miss you I miss you tonight

Friends and lovers turn into devils
Who do I know no one I trust
The dagger digs deeper with each cruel thrust
I trust you , my love , with your lovely skills
And I miss you , I miss you , I miss you tonight.

I see your eyes heavy with dreams
You go to a land where I don't live
You go on your journey with me out of sight
I don't know your God and what you believe
Yet I miss you I miss you I miss you tonight.

As dawn breaks and the moon accepts its defeat
I lay down in my sorrows broken and beat
I see the sun and hate it
I hear the birds and hate them
I hate the chaos I hate the light
Cause I missed you I missed you I missed you lastnight.

Tapan

I don't know why I write these but I do it for the muse !

World Music Festival :-
Over the weekend I went to the World Music Festival in Angels Camp , CA. It was an interesting experience. Brie was supposed to go with me but could not go due to personal problems. So I was left with a last minute ticket . I thought I may be able to sell it over there but I thought that in the true Burningman spirit I should try to give it away to someone. I called Mark to see if he and Anna wanted to go. I would gladly give my tickets to them if they wanted to go. I also thought of Troy but asking her for three days in the middle of the serious business venture that she is in seemed very unreasonable. Mark was busy doing his patio and Anna was in the Bay Area but Mark said his friend Becky would like to go. Mark gave me her number and I called her up. She gave me the directions to her place in Amador county which is about 15 minutes from the festival . I went there on the spare tire of the Porsche. That was scary. Once I reached there I called her from a gas station to ask for the exact address of the place. I was surprised when I saw her. I did not expect the mother of two kids to be in such good shape . She is fabulous. The next day and a half was really really awesome. I met so many people there. Saw a few shows. Bought a drum and bought some really good Vegan food. The place was brimming with energy . I saw a bright new artist called Abdul Rashid who I adore - which is a LOT to say for someone like me whose feelings for reggae music bordered just under hatred. One of the speakers said ' Its not your condition but your decision ' which sunk into my heart. Due to my idiocy of not checking whether or not I have the tent poles (I didn't) we had to sleep in the car. Despite the physical closeness I did not get any vibes from her. She was much too deep into her divorce stuff to even consider anyone else. Or maybe it was just me. Who knows ? I had a good time.
I came back Sunday evening after dropping Becky at her place and went to Mark's place. I started my first lesson in poi that night. I think I wanna spin fire on a stick. A long hard big stick !!!!!

2004-06-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

Laughs/Dinner/AndGoodCompany :-
Its been a long time since I had such good time. I went out to Laughs Unlimited yesterday with my friend Troy. We saw the show and went to dinner at JLees on J st between 25th and 26th. Good times. The sushi that Dan makes is excellent so is the food from the kitchen by Andy and the gang. I highly highly recommend the Pistachio tort as a dessert for anyone who cares to read this one. It is the best dessert I have had in a LONG LONG time. I had an excellent time there. The company being Troy. Something about the batting of the eyelids that makes a man flutter. Thanks for the wonderful company Troy.

2004-06-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

Grass Valley :-
On Wednesday night I decided to go to Grass Valley and hang out with my 'friend, philosopher, guide ' in Vegan dining - Brie. It was so nice to see Brie after a long time. We made pasta which I helped her make. Something about her company and her smile that makes me wanna be around her. She is one of the coolest persons I know. Of course, she wanted me to work on some computer stuff which I gladly did for her.

2004-06-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

Gig in Tracy California or What goes up must come down :-
I am a big believer in balance in life. After the almost hypnotic weekend in Licoln City I was on a high and what better place than the wonderful hicktown of Tracy,CA to get off that high. I went there and I was the first comic on stage. I had an absolutely HORRIBLE set. The people were with me mommentarily. I think I succeeded in pissing off about 75% of the audience . I went political. I did the jokes about the situation in the middle east. I made fun of the people in the audience. Especially the ones coming in. The MC was non existent. I was brought up to a cold crowd but that was not the reason for the non connect. I think it was because I was once again dealt the cards about going on first. I hate it when that happens at a gig . I need to come up with a few jokes designed just to get the crowds attention. I don't want to whine about going up first anymore. I won the round despite going up first at the Avalon competition. I won the round going up first in Lincoln City. I believe I can do that. Just want to come up with a strategy to make that happen everytime.

2004-06-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

Yet Another Poem :-

So if I steal the world for you and you like it
Would you tell me so ?
And if I reveal the secrets of the universe to produce a pop tart
Would you still love me ?

If I stand down on the gates of hell and cry out for your name
Would you come running to me like you always did
Or would you stay in comfort with the remnants of my vanquished dogmas
And laugh at me , a good belly laugh with an effortless bid.

If I do something stupid and let myself blow
Beyond the realm of perception and the mighty red orange glow
Would you lasso me with the ropes of real
And make my lifestream an easy flow

If I give up on life, if I give up on relegion
If I give up on all - that is good and kind
If I give up on darkened forest - and all the creats within
If I give up on the seed of good and bad - and all the virtue and sin
If I give up on God and Satan - and who in end will win
If I delete my existence - with a lowly double click
If I fuck up my soul and psyche like a lowly porno flick

Would you still hold me close and would you still feed me hope
Would you still tell me all is right down the the slippery slope
Would you still say that there is balance
In the universe and its cracks
And would you ride above your ambivalance
To load up my bones in stacks

Would you come along on the flying carpet
And stay with me so close
Would you come along and touch my hand
You won't is what I suppose

2004-06-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

PNCC (Pacific Northwest Comedy Competition ) :-
First of all , thank you Micheal Pace and Kenny Bob for letting me compete.
It was a fucking blast. It is always a blast while I am hanging out with
other comics. It was nice meeting all of you. Getting laid with all of
you is even better. On the first day I won about 80$ in BlackJack. Keeping
up with the tradition of not trying to spend gambling money on myself I decided
to buy beer and have everyone come over and party. Not everyone did but most people
came and hung out . It is always a blast to have close to 30 comics accept your
hospitality. I wish Micheal and Kenny Bob were there too but I understand that as
the judges and organizers of the contest they were hardpressed not to fraternize with
the contestants.
Most importantly I think I made a lasting impression on the people who saw me and gained
respect out of the comics. That , in a nutshell, is what I took home from this whole
excursion.
The momment of reckoning came when Jeff Capri gave me a call and said he is missing his
IPOD that he gracefully brought over to the room to play music. However both me and him
were sure that no one would take it . He came over the next morning and looked again for the gadget and he found it under the table. Good times. I was happy for him and for myself and the faith that we had in other comics. Also thanks to Rick Pulido and Dave Bothun for arranging the journey etc arrangements.

2004-06-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Cleaning House of Dead Energy :-

I think I am cleaning house of my so called friends. I let Reanda go her own way. I helped her out in her time of need and she was not so receptive afterwards so I let her go. I don't want nothing to do with her . I am also doing the same with Laurie and Kelly. Things had been not so good between me and them. I believe they did not reciprocate the good deeds that I did towards them . I helped them out in their times of need. I took over their car payments, I gave them money for the lawyers etc . I pretty much helped them through a rough stage of their life. I also gave them my essence. My sperm . In return I believe they were not so good to me. They chose to do things to me that were harsh and horrible. I do not hate them for the same but I choose not to associate with them for the same. I am not playing the fool anymore. I am done with them. Take the Porsche back and pay me the money for the repairs and we are done. I have hired lawyers to deal with the muck that will definitely ensue.

2004-06-09T11:39:00.000-07:00

Kara Eddie Armando Expenses :-

500$ for the baby stuff
300$ for the rent + conveyance
1184 $ for the apartment deposit and rent
120$ for the bus passes
200$ for food etc

===========================================
2304$ to get a life back on its track.
Worth it ?

I don't know.

2004-06-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

Biotech Protests :-
About 150 people were arrested in San Fran for protesting a biotech conference. I wish I was there. Not plugged in enough I
guess. I remember the time when the protests happened in Sacramento and I housed about 120 of the protestors at my place . It was a whole lotta buncha fun and the protests were also fun. I believe they would also have been provided legal etc information , just the way we were when we met before the SacTown Protests. I really wish that someone would take a monkey or two from the labs and release those monkeys INSIDE THE CONFERENCE. That way it would be really really fun. I think it might be fitting karmic justice for those corporate executives to be slapped around by a bunch of monkeys on coke. The term 'Monkey spank ' takes a whole different meaning. God Bless America !

Reagan :-
Ronald Wilson Reagan died. I can't escape from his death. I have been surreptitiously away from my television and I have been careful in what link I click on to avoid him but it seems like an infallible cause - so I give up. I watched CNN this morning and it seemed like Reagan took down Gorbachov in a Texas style death cage match. This guy was NOT responsible for the end of the cold war. He was a charismatic lunatic who believed in the end of the world theories and actually built weapons of mass destruction in the name of fire and brimstone. May Mehistopheles have fun with Reagan with his pitchfork. By the way if you are to wear a mask for a bank robbery then just remember that the Reagan masks have been the most popular and hence by deduction the most untraceable too. I think its just plain WRONG to give a holiday in his name on this Friday . That will just make people dance in pleasure at his death. Actually let me retrieve the previous statement. Its not wrong . Its encouraging and more ex presidents should die for this cause.

Ashcroft refuses to release the famed 'torture' memo :-
This guy has taken the job he is doing because he got turned down for the position of running the Death Star. WHy are the Democrats stupid enough to think that he will boggle down on their 'questioning' . I heard the 'grilling' that they gave him on NPR . It sounded like Darth Vader being questioned by C3PO.

2004-06-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter and the legacy of slavery :-

I think that Hogwarts is a slave institution - enslaving young little wizards and witches to work hard at the couldron's , just mixing up the potions , mixing up the potions and what do they get when all is said and done --- FREAKING POINTS. No official score keeper for the points, no ticker tape, no score board just a bunch of little mutts (not so little anymore!) slaving away for points. No gold stars , no smiley faces just a number. Pretty much a mugblood characteristic if you ask me , dahling !!!

2004-06-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

My day has been riddled with interruptions

Radio Gig :-
I began my day with a rude knock on my WINDOW - not even door nonetheless.
My first thought was to duck as there is an psycho bitch ex at the door just
waiting to find out where my head was before firing off the shotgun in a hail
of curses and waiting for my lifeless body to shiver before she went off into
a happy daze song playing soccer with what is left of my head. Nothing so interesting.
It was my buddy DJ . Its not exactly a good start to a day when a 180 pound guy with
a goatee and a genuinely good smile wakes you up at 4:30 in the morning.
" Wake up jackass, we're doin radio". I know he used the cowboy accent on purpose.
Nothing like a jolt of good ol TEXAS to wake you up. Atleast he had coffee ready for me.
I think he put lighter fluid in it.

So a short 10 minutes later we are on our way to the station. One good thing about radio - You can brush your teeth when the songs are playing if your buddies don't mind the morning breath. They don't . Two of the regular DJs are Burners so they are cool with it. The topic of discussion was the 'outsourcing' of jobs overseas. Well it has been happening for about 30 years now but only blue collar jobs have been going overseas so nobody talks about it as much. Now that the white collar jobs are going overseas we are all hyped up over it. Screw that shit.

EBay Gig ? :-
On my way to work from the radio station I get a phonecall from a recruiter who wants me to interview for the position of a lead DBA at EBay Inc. That could be interesting so I say yes and agree to 65$/hour. That works good for me so far.EBay can be interesting.

Breaking up with Lesbians ? :-
While I am on the phone with him I get a call from Laurie - the platonic love of my life - unless she stops being a lesbian and then she is fair game. Haven't talked to her in about three days or so. She is doing good. Washing her car and her soul with the broad brush strokes of the sinking reality. God, I love her ! Hope you do too. I sent them an email saying that they can hang out with only one of us - either me or Ray. I have been extremely hurt in the past and I don't want that anymore .

Kyle and his needs :-
While I am getting off the phone with Laurie I get a call from Kyle. My boy . Typical teenager that he is - he only calls when he needs money. Actually that is not true. He calls just to chat too. He needed some money for some fun at the Bonaroo Festival that he is going with his girlfriend - Molly I believe. I am so so happy to see him all grown up and manly. Taking his girlfriend to a music festival. I can't believe how much I love him.

HomeLess Pregnancy Update (Not homeless not pregnant anymore!!!) :-
I went over to Kara's and Eddie's at Lunch. They are happy. Have all the comforts of the apartment lifes. Felt a HUGE charm when I held little Armando to my heart . The kid has some lungs on him I tell ya. This has been the best part of my day so far.

2004-06-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

So you've been broken and you've been hurt
Show me somebody who ain't
Yeah, I know I ain't nobody's bargain
But, hell, a little touchup
and a little paint...

You might need somethin' to hold on to
When all the answers, they don't amount to much
Somebody that you could just to talk to
And a little of that Human Touch

2004-06-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

Trouble :-
I am troubled by life and the apathy that it offers. Why do human beings have to be so so so so apathetic in their outlook towards life. Why are we so busy that we can't display compassion that we feel towards our fellow human beings ? Why do we look for similarities between us and the rest before we go ahead and make eye contact. Thats it. That is the yard stick by which we evaluate others most of the time. How much of you is like me ? We try to cut people up and box them into shiny little yellow boxes and mark them - like me and shiny red little boxes and mark them - not like me. Then our lifes mission is to turn the yellow into red. Just painting over the yellow. "But yellow is my colour. Yellow is me and I like how I feel when I am yellow." We ignore all the pleas of the existential yellow and just go on to the next red to yellow project. In short we are all little Hitler droogies at the core of our being. If we can rise above that then I believe the society will be a bearable experiment that humans committed on themselves. But then thats just me................

2004-06-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

Reanda Ross :-

I lost a friend today. I lost her because I wanted to . I lost her because after a long drawn out soul searching I found out that in my entire relationship with Reanda Ross it was mostly one sided. While I enjoyed her company I could not help but think about the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the only reason she was with me was because of the benefits that I accrued to her. I helped her get her car fixed, bought her a beautiful coat and last but not the least I took her out on quite a few dates etc. However most of these were my effort. While this is fine the attitude that she has about life bothers me. Particularly one statement that she made about the fact that 'What you do with me LAST is the only thing that counts '. If you are judging me by the anatomy of my last action - thereby forgetting all the kindness and love that has been given to you by me then Ms.Ross you are not worthy of my friendship and you are not worthy of my company. I will not like to be around you and I will not champion any of your causes. In the end all I have to say is thank you for the good times and good bye. May good God Bless You.

Reno Competition :-
Me and my man DJ (KWOD Fame!) went to Reno to do the competition at Harrah's. Me and DJ had the best sets that night. I won ! But it was pretty much a flip of coin in between me and DJ. Other mentionable set was Wayne's . He did an impromptu rant on professional Sacramento comics coming to Reno and crushing the dreams of Reno comics which was inspired and funny. Pretty much what good standup is all about. I would watch that kid for future. He has potential. With the right set of circumstances he will definitely foster into a brilliant comic . Best of Luck. It was nice hanging out with the Reno comics again. Helen,Sophie, Wayne, Miracle etc are a good gang to hang out with.

2004-06-06T14:40:00.000-07:00

Troy Lynn Hamzy :-

The weekend has been very exciting so far. It is Sunday afternoon. Friday evening I went to dinner with Troy Lynn Hamzy. Beautiful as ever and radiant in her glow she sat there waiting at the dinner table , nibbling on the bread as she had the little twinkle in her eye. Always the mischevious smile and the blue blue eyes that makes one want to lose themselves in them. Had a little mishap of sorts. She said Il Forno at Gold River close to her place. I thought she meant Il Forneo in Roseville. I went from Roseville to 50 in about 20 minutes. Had a good good time talking to her. She is starting her own coffee shop and is working on a business plan for the same. She seems neck deep into doing this and doing this all alone nonetheless. All the best to her from the bottom of my heart and I believe her stubbornness will pay off. She is also into 420 anymore which is a truly truly good thing for her. It shows in her features and in her behaviour lot less loopiness and lot less repeatation of her stories.

Karma Chickens Hanging Out and Shopping :-
It was nice hanging out with the Karma Chickens and a half. By the half I mean Timmy. Mark, Anna, Jennifer, Jason and me to start with and we were joined by Candace and Dr.Dave who came in late but joined the fun ASAP. We went garage sale and rummage sale shopping and came home with a bunch of costume ideas and a bigger bunch of sheets. Candace somehow bought about 200 maxipads. Heavens knows what she will do with them but God Help her if she needs all of those.....Actually a more disturbing thing she told me was that Dr.Dave was going to use it. MMMMMMMM Scary. We all called Polina and said Hi to her but she was on her way to Austin for Atomic's birthday party which I am sure would be fun as those kids know how to party. Jennifer is so in love with Sneh. It is so nice to see the silly smile slapped all across her face the momment we mention Sneh. I like that. I like being around people who have things like hope, memories and love attached against their name. Best of luck to Jen on her quest to freedom !

Burning Man Party :-
There was a Burning Man Party at the Brick House Art Complex . Me and Jaclyn went there and we were too early. They were going to show 'Gifting It' which means a GREAT deal to me because of Renee and Matt. They couldn't because of legal hassles with the distribution company. But they showed Dust Devils instead which was a fun movie too. Met quite a few new (if you haven't seen it it's new to you) Sacramento Burners. DJ and Danielle were there with their friends Becca and Steve O. I may have found a good tattoo artist in Steve O someone who I trust good enough to let him work on my body. The Belly Dancing Performance was excellent and the fire dancing was well not excellent. But the people made me feel at home again. Met a wonderful person called Dhanya who has gone to India and studied under Rajneesh himself. Would like more conversations with Dhanya.

2004-06-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

Polina Mashnik :-

It is really tough to write about her. Its hard to not be with someone that you
were so intensely with. I met her at Burning Flipside and she is responsible for
imprinting so many memories in my brain - kinda like a permanent branding by a
deliciously hot iron rod. Beautiful and hot, Russian , with a zeal for life quite
unlike what I have seen in a human being for a long long time. She makes necklaces,
she dances trances, crazy about beautiful music and has one of the most beautiful
bodies I have seen in a while. ALso she remains the only freak that could match my
moves and is probably as much of an exhibitionist as I am. God Bless America for
having her here. One of the truly truly magnificent things that has happened to me
at Flipside.

2004-06-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

Reanda Ross :-

Things are good between me and her again. We had a little splat mainly due to both of us playing games which has now been resolved. There is something intensely spiritual about her that I just can't put my finger on . She comes off as the quintessential barbie doll living in a completely materialistic world. Cares too much about her looks - unnecessarily I might add - and has very spastic views on life. But at the end of the day she is my friend who is full of love in her heart. For whom is a question that begs answering. Nothing short of a Tyler Durden lobotomy will turn her to my side of thinking. But still............

Los Angeles :-
I am thinking of moving to Los Angeles to further my career as a comic/artist starting next Jan. I need to take a few acting classes till I develop a pretty decent repertoire of experience. I will talk to Evan Nassau when I have the chance. If I can save a sizable chunk of moolah then maybe I can even take a year off or something and focus completely on that. Lets see how the dice falls.

2004-06-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

FLIPSIDE FLIPSIDE FLIPSIDE

Thank You. Thank You Flipside for saving my sanity.
Thank You Flipside for enhancing insanity
Thank You Pigs and all the wonderful loungers at WonderLounge
Thank You Sensei Strange for the Hanuman Temple and the wonderful
balls show ! (No Pun Intended !)
Thank You Larko for the wonderful drinks and the beard that I thought
something will fly out of !Thank You for shaving the beard and providing peace to the booze soaked brain of mine. Nothing flew out of it.
Thank You for all the conversations - some of them I actually remember and am inspired by them.
Thank You for all the craziness that gave a jolt to my psyche.
Thank You for the Bloody Mary Bill Hicks Revival. Thanks Marrillee for squeeging my third eye the way this third world kid could never do ! Thank You to all the people for all the wonderful Bloody Marys.
Thank You to all those who brought the floats at the creek - I couldn't have swam without those. Thank you to all those who tought me how to swim. Yes those were fishes. No that wasn't me. I am not that random.
Thank you to Grady and all the Monkey Chanters for bringing Balinese Monkey Chants to the Burner Community. Thank you to all the monkey chanters for filling up my mind with sounds that linger on . Those sounds make the meetings in dull grey and black meetings rooms a lot more bearable. Sure they think I am lost in thought but in my head I am neck deep into chanting the chak chak chak chak's that they have no clue about. Fucking losers !!!
Thank you to the Hot Librarians for the wonderful books that I got from you especially Lucifer's Hammer and Excerpts from Homer's Illiad. Two books that profoundly affected my life , albeit at a not so right age but they did.
Thank you to the people who made the monkey. The BIG BOOM still reverberates in my soul like a raging orgasm.
While on the topic - thanks to the Sacred Sex Temple for the love swing, the props, the Jack and Jill Off, the freedom to explore and last but not the least - THe FUCKING CONDOMS. I ran out and was scared for a brief momment but then I came to you. Thanks for the KY too.
Thank you Clint from the wonderlounge for all the wonderful company.
Thank you Melody for the wonderful fungi.
Thank you Keith and Christie. You guys are nothing less than Santa Clauses to me. I wish you and your kid all the best in your wonderful world.
Thank you the couple from Vienna for letting me play with Clara the morning of the burn as I was watching the sun rise. That was a magical momment when I saw her play peekabo at the same time when the sun was playing peekabo from the trees with me. I almost came close to tears. Then the megavolt guy started frying the barbie and I was distracted.
Thank you Parents of Augustus for the wonderful smiles from the little one.
I know there will be a second installment as the memory palace enhances itself.
All in all thank you Flipsiders for making me believe in a place called Hope.
Thank you Flipsiders for making me believe in the faith that brought me to America.

Love and hugs and kisses

Tapan Trivedi

2004-05-27T09:33:00.000-07:00

Laughs Unlimited on May26th
Had an excellent set at Laughs yesterday. I hosted. Laurie and Kelly were there. Gina and Kara were there too. Earlier , I went to Wal Mart (ugh) and bought a tent and went to Indian Fashions and bought a few good things (Bindi's, two Kurtas and a Turban) to bring to Flipside. I am so so fucking excited . I am going to my second home.....Did the jokes on seeing the Olsen twins movie and buying a ticket for the Passion of the Christ movie and sneaking into the olsen twins movie. Thats when you know you are over the hill. When you buy a ticket to a R rated movie and sneak into a PG - 13 movie.

Club Avalon in Santa Clara on May 25th
Did the Club Avalon (Santa Clara) competition . It was fun. I went on FIRST and sill won. That just places me in the semifinals. Lets see if the bullshit plays out or not. The host/MC/organizer was an interesting entity called Durell Harvey. All I remember about him is that he is black, bald and wore a funny funny shirt. I think Sam should have won too but I wasn't judging.

2004-05-24T10:07:00.000-07:00

Shrek2 - IMAX - PyramidKicked off the weekend with Shrek 2 on Friday. Nice movie but too much sugary stuff. Expected more of the bird exploding stuff but oh well. It is breaking records so not much I can say about it. Right after that I went to Pyramid Ale house and hung out there with Mark, Anna, Dan and Andre. It was nice as usual to see Mark and Anna. Talked about getting Ivan to put up a website for Mark's Sushi and Teriyaki sauce. Sent him an email about the same. Went to see an IMAX movie 'The Roar of the Lion' or something like that about a pride of lions on the Serengeti. It was interesting , very interesting but could not help but think that it was WAY too short - just under 50 minutes . Kinda like a overgrown short film.

Garage Sales with Ray
I have been going to a LOT of garage sales with Ray on the weekends. Kinda like the idea of going out to Garage Sales and looking for treasures in someone else's trash and then loading them up in the Porsche Boxster and driving off. Like to see the semi amazed look in their eyes when we do that. Got some good books for Kara actually . Baby Books. Also scored Scott Turrow's bestseller "Reversible Errors" and the ultimate coup de tate - a bowling bowl in a bowling bag with bowling shoes and bowl wipe etc -- all for a grand total of a dollar.

Burner Party
Went to the Burner Pary at Dragon's house in Elk Grove on Saturday. It was fun meeting all these cats after such a long time. Finally was able to put names with faces. Good times .

Gig at Harrahs in Reno,NV
Went to Reno and did a competition with Rick Pulido at Harrahs in Reno,NV. It was GREAT doing it. I think either me or Rick should have won but we didn't . Some hack from Reno won. He was doing someone else's jokes and was not THAT funny in any case. Mark Yaffee was there and he also had an excellent set.

2004-05-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

Finally the Birth :-

A LOT has happened in those two days.
On Tuesday evening I went to Tracy,CA to do a show. When that was done I was on my
way back and I got a call from Eddie (of Eddie and Kara - my latest friends who are
pregnant) that Kara was at the hospital and would give birth that night. I went straight
to the hospital and hung out over there. At around 5:30 a.m. in the morning she started
the process and after about 72 minutes of delirious pushing and screaming and hitting and
encouraging and wise cracks and more screaming and more screaming and even more pushing
and even more pushing Armando Ramos was born at 6:42 a.m. His birth remains the most amazing and the most disgusting thing I have ever witnessed. Although I cannot deny the fact that I felt very privileged being in that room with them. God Bless Armando. He looked like a cookie dough of flesh and bones when he came out . The kid has some good lungs on him I tell ya. I saw how overwhelmed Kara was and felt an intimacy in the room which now explains to me why they call it the 'miracle' of births. Because at that one momment everyone in the room , including the midwife who has probably attended scores of such births , were all solidified in our protectiveness of the child. I believe that is what makes us humans different from a LOT of other species . Or maybe not !

Competition in Tracy CA :-
I did the comedy competition at the Great Plate in Tracy, CA. Jim Somers won the competition and I stood in second. Nothing for the guy who ends up second. Why does the win in the competition elude me ? WHat do I lack ?

2004-05-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

PORSCHE UPDATE :-

Today I got a call from the Neillo Porsche service guys saying that the total for the car sensors,horn plate, etc will be close to 2300$. Add to that the 2600$ for the clutch and the 300$ for the tire. That brings a total to 5200$ for just the repair of the car. The registration was about 500$. That brings this close to 5700$. The monthly payments to Laurie and Kelly are 690$ for a total of 5 months now. That is about 3450$. This brings the total that I have spent on this Porsche to about 9150$. Also the insurance is about 165/month I paid for 6 months. That is about 990$. That brings the total to 10140$ that I have spent for this car in just under 5 months of owning it. I will keep it till the end of summer but if that dosen't pan out I will give it back to Laurie and Kelly. Talking to Jim Weber of Neillo Porsche , I realized that there has been extensive repairs done to the car in the past. The airbag has been replaced in the past which means this car was definitely in a wreck at one point or another. I am wondering if Laurie and Kelly were lied to or are lying to me ? I just feel so so used.

2004-05-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

INDIAN GIVER :-

I gave something to someone and then
then I took it back from them (Cause they
didn't pay me for it). They were like
Oh You are an INDIAN giver. I am like what?
They are like if you give something to someone
and then you take it back then you are an Indian
giver. I am like that dosen't make sense. Indian
giver should be when someone gives you something
and then you take away EVERYTHING that they ever
had and give them a holiday that involves watching
football which is like making the statement -- stay on
your reservation people -- or else we will tackle and
kill you like this......

2004-05-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

Jokes Notes and Works In Progresses:-

Dog Breeds and Porn Terriers
Broken - Fixed
Dog Antelope - Antlers again

*******************************************************************************************

Girl Slapped me with shoe.
ANkle
Bra Slapping

*******************************************************************************************

God Chick
How am I going to match the Father in Law ?
My god does things all by himself
Your god sends his son down.
That is a better God cause he delegates.

*******************************************************************************************

Coming to America I realized that women here want it all.
A kid, a husband, a job and I am such a catch because I am
simultaneously all in one.
What I want from women is someone who can cook , clean,
swallow (pause) -- her pride when we get into an argument.

I think people who believe in aliens are stupid. The only reason they believe in aliens is
because to them Earth's problems seem too huge for us pitiful humans to solve. We can only
hope to be rescued by aliens from another planet whose civilization is "vastly superior to our own."
How come there ain't no stupid aliens ? Its only logical that even if there are other
beings then there will be stupid people amongst them too. ALl the UFO sightings are stupid aliens
that have stolen their dads ship and went cruising and visited earth because they thought that EARTH was a cosmic toilet bowl

and
1)an unending supply of biodiesel.
2)we were just bugs waiting to be flused into the intergalactic sewer system

and the crop circles are nothing but bathroom graffitti leftover by ZOOK who wanted everyone to know that to have a good

time call 'Zelda' from the planet Uranus.

2004-05-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

The Vagina Monologues :-

Its official now. I am doing the Vagina Monologues. I will have four rehearsals for the show and then one show on a Sunday when I can go ahead and invite about 50 people for the same. I will be doing it with the regular cast of the good people at sacactors.com . Lets see how that goes. It should be an interesting experience. Lets hope the schedules match.

Stubhub.com :-
I am visiting them tomorrow to further explore opportunities over there. Lets hope all goes well. They are right downtown San Francisco so that could be cool. The people seem capable and a good team to work with . Doing RAC and RMAN stuff with them should be so so cool.

2004-05-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

GLOBESITY
It is the 11th of May and the word 'Globesity' has entered my vocabulary. If there was one word that I did not want in my vocabulary it was Globesity. It is what it sounds like. Obesity is an international epidemic. WHAT THE FUCK ! Did we solve the hunger problem ? I have a novel way of solving both the problems ? Cannibalism ! Yup tear out the girth from the fatsos and give them to the hungry and needy of the world. Then when the skinny people start getting fatter and fatter start with the dogs , then the chickens. Believe me feeding humans to chicken's may sound like a environazi's answer to everything but at the end of the day it is MUCH MUCH BETTER than feeding CHICKENS to chickens. Why are we so fat ? My friend Cheese does a wonderful bit on this issue. He says that he found fat free Krisco (or some brand that I don't recall). That is just fat free FAT. We have managed to create a substance which is less than 99% of ITSELF. Yet we are growing fat . Dosen't make sense. The heads were supposed to grow in the evolutionary process or so thought Darwin. Darwin could not have predicted TNT and the SPICE channel. Darwin did not have HBO. Mendel studied pea pods for a living. If these poor fuckers had HBO then there would not be a thing at all in terms of evolutionary theory. Maybe that would be a good thing.

Car Update :-
I left the car at Neillo this morning. The check engine light was on. Or so I thought. When Jim Weber from the dealership got into the car the light did not come on. I left the car there and asked them to do the service also. WIll cost me 550$. This car is a HUGE expenditure item but I love the way I feel when I am driving it.

2004-05-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

Why does my life matter ?

I am disturbed by the apathy that I leash out and the way it is targeted towards souls that are of a lesser fortune than I am. Why am I afraid of initiating a conversation with the homeless guy asking me for time ? I KNOW for a fact that he is only looking for eye contact and an acknowledgment of his existence and yet I deny that basic look that makes us all human. Maybe thats why Jesus was so great. Cause he could look into anyone's eyes and make them feel better. I guess being the Son of God helps.
I am consumed by apathy,
Overcome by rage,
Riddled with envy,
As I write page to page.

No sides to this equation,
None that they negate,
Just a stalemate situation,
Just a rotten state.

I go on to my heavy heart
I go and feel the pain
The lack of satisfaction
The lack of concrete gain.

The soldier of fortune is so close to his defeat
A panicky end he shall meet
Crying and whining under his bed
Crying and whining till he ego is fed.

AHHHHHHH FUCK IT WHY BOTHER ?????

Party Night Friday Night :-
Friday was a weird day. Had meetings with Andy and Byron regarding RAC which was a good one. Used NetMeeting to be productive. Then went to Wells Fargo and made a cash transaction and gave 300$ to Kara so that the rent would be paid off for the week for her and Eddie. The rent was 240$ and I asked her to keep the rest with her in case of an emergency. She also made a request for a book about child birthing, a rash ointment for the baby and 'burp clothes '. I have no fucking idea what these things are but I will do my best to get that for them. Went to Kim (Burning Man's) painting party and was nice meeting a few people there. Me and Rick went - right after seeing Van Helsing which incidentally was a nice movie to start off the summer with- and going to Laughs Unlimited where Jason Ressler was featuring along with John Fox headlining . After Kim's party we went to Ben Rue's party which was quite a dud nonetheless. Me, Ray and Cheese went for the sake of Mycheal who is on the same level of fuckeduppedness as we are. Me , Ray, Cheese, Jackie etc. But I guess she is still working up the nerve to chuck off the puritanical psychic chains that bind her. She made plans to go to Davis the next morn with us to go to the Whole Earth Festival which she missed . Something about Ben being there and then chucking the whole thing. Good luck to her and Ben.

Whole Earth Festival :-

Went there for two days. Saturday and Sunday . Ate a few good brownies given to me by Crystal Moon. It was such a cool event. Beautiful people doing beautiful things. Ray was with me but couldn't seem to really get into it on the second day. Said shitty things like ' I would go and sit in the car and shoot heroin. Saw him just 10 minutes later just strutting around. Was nice being there with Toonsis on Sunday. Met a few cool folks. Met Racheal who is a burner and might camp with the Karma Chickens. She was at Kat's party which I didn't attend cause I was in Weaverville. Saw Jonah of Jonah and Jenna fame - the two that I saw at Victoria's party there which was also good.

Whole Earth Festival

2004-05-06T14:10:00.000-07:00

Poetry for BurningMan :-
I wrote this in the middle of the day in a grey grey cubicle.
That is my life
A series of almosts
Battling and defeating
The hordes of ghosts

The deafening battlecry
The unforgiving grind
The soul stealing pligh
I try to leave behind

I try real hard
I do what I can
At the end of summer
I go and burn a man

Spirits run high and I feel free
For that one week no burning decree
So all the year I sigh and wait
Then I take my soul and replenish its fate.

Naked crazies , floozies and more
Fires, jugglers, monkeys and more
Song, stir, chaos and more
Sights that I have never seen before

Sights that greet my soul to the core
Where I go and feel like I'm home
Where I leave with a heavy heart
Should I , why should I ever depart ?

Homeless Pregnancy Update :-

Kara is doing good. Her court date went good. She has been given six additional weeks of probation. They went ahead and got their bus passes and groceries today. Kara gets her food stamps on the 8th . They should be OK now - God willing. Why am I doing this for them ? Kara's mom asked me this . I said I don't know but I don't question the reason why God sent them my way. There has to be a reason.

Work Update :-
My boss is going on a vacation for the next week and then he is going out of town to Downers Grove, IL for more work related stuff. He will be gone for two weeks. That means I have to really perk up and work hard when he is gone. He helps me a lot in my day to day work . He is a good manager who is excellent at removing hurdles from my way. I have a meeting tomorrow with Andy who is my manager's manager. I am excited about that one.

Comedy Update :-
Did Laughs Unlimited yesterday. It was fun doing this club after a LONG time. Did about 6-8 minutes. Thank you Del Van Dyke for the same. I did the Indian Pepper Spray joke. Faced a heckler who I had fun with. Shut him up that was fun. Also did the Yoga bit. That went well however I missed the pace on the puff puff pass punchline for the 'get your mind to a higher place ' line. I need to work more on the same. Terry bailed on me and never showed up. Made up some story about feeling depressed or something. Why do girls do that ?

New Bar :-
Me and Ray went to the bar across from the house today and that was GREAT. Met a few people who seemed nice. Plan to go there again soon.

2004-05-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

HomeLess Pregnancy Eddie and Kara Update :-
So Eddie has a job now and Kara is settling her court date for petty theft that she committed at the age of 17. She stole a belt for which she got 6 months probation . Eddie seems to be working hard and has managed to get a ride home everyday. It is great as he does not have to get a ride back from me at odd hours of the night. Kara seems to be doing well. I cut them a check today for 200$ for two bus passes for the month of May and 80$ over for groceries. Hopefully that should pan out well for them. Once he gets paid he will get going on his feet and try to get housing someplace.

LandMark Forum :-
Went with Mark and Anna to the Landmark Forum yesternight. It was interesting . Could not get over the feeling that it was a cult initiation. I registered anyway because of my love for Mark and Anna. Lets see what happens. My dates for the forum are on July 16th, 17th and 18th and the eve of 20th. Was interesting listening to the speaker who was kinda boring . Could not help but think how I would do it different and certainly better than he did.

Comedy tonight :-
Have a date with Terry tonight ! Its been a while since I have been out with a black girl. She is so pretty. I am excited.

2004-05-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

Another Weekend Update
Kentucky Derby :- So SmartJones won and it was a rainy rainy day.
Went to her place to wallow my sorrows away
She went smack and me came back
For sex I would never ever pay !
Nuff said.

Gourmet Food Hike at Point Reyes:-
Went with Candace to Point Reyes on a hike. Hiked for about 4.5 miles. It was the first hike I have been to where I took my suit. Earlier I went and got a beautiful shirt with Ray and Stephanie. The cool thing about this hike was that you HAD to dress up formal. There we were . About 20 of us from CHAOS. All dressed up in Formal everning gowns and suits. Met people from all over the world. Mostly Berkley graduate students . It was nice and fun. At night we went to the beach and joined a fire. The conversation was too lull and boring so I went 'fire hopping'. Went to three other fires and the people at one fire were really cool. They were Indians - mostly from Goa. Its been a while since I have interacted with any Indians. It was nice to be there.

After coming back from the hike I went over to Julie's place. We went on a walk together. I like her company. She is an amazing beautiful woman with a strong will and business sense. I admire that.

2004-04-27T22:01:00.000-07:00

Homeless Pregnancy Update :-
They are settled. Atleast for now. They are settled. I sent an email to ex-California Senator Deborah Ortiz who I met at JLees restaurant about Kara and Eddie. She got me in touch with Mr.Alberto Rivas. Mr.Rivas knew how to get to people and how to get things moving. Kara and Eddie got to stay for three days in the Star Motel . When they got there they were told that 'as long as Eddie kept his job and followed the rules' - they can stay there. I went with Eddie and looked at an RV which cost about 2000$ and he said that he could park it at Kara's mom's place. I am ruminating about buying the same for them but then it is also a humongous investment. Lets see what happens.

2004-04-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

HomeLess Pregnancy Update :-
Well the deal fell through. The step dad filed for bankruptcy a couple of years back and he failed to mention it. THe mom 'did' show up at the signing with bad credit to cosign. So the deal did not go through. Went to one of Kara's foster mom's place to see if she would co sign. Turns out the lady had moved out of the house about 6 months back. Another let down. Asked Rob to look for RVs to live in. I will buy the RV which they will live in - or atleast find a place to park it in an RV park. Hopefully Rob will find a job fast. They are so cute but so so dumb. I wish them the best but I really really worry about them now. Why am I doing this ?

Party at Victoria's in Grass Valley :-
Went to Victoria's party in Grass Valley Saturday afternoon. Had a BLAST. Met Susan from the workshop again . I think I am completely infatuated with Susan. She remains happy with her family and her 'partner' as she puts it. I on the other hand can't stop dreaming about her. She left early and I had a feeling that there was a huge stone stuck to my heart. Had fun playing games there - the Jellyfish, the Lucky Dip bag, the weird games from the fertile minds of Anna Nathan.Also had a LOT of fun playing the 'gum' game with Jenna and Jonah. One burner , one hippie. Both pretty. Saw Candace with a guy who seems to suit her so so well. Was very happy for her. She also looked so so happy.

Frou Frou Rocks :-
Been listening to Frou Frou a whole lot lately. Went to the mall to see if they had a CD. They didn't. Went to 'The Beat' on J Street . Got the last one. Have been listening to 'Let Go' and 'Breathe' over and over again.

Running / Adria and other stories :-
Also went to Adria's race Saturday morning. Why do I wake up at an insane hour like 6:30 on a Saturday to go see people 'run' of all the things. I think running is great and seeing Adria run is like watching 'poetry in motion' - like Alvin Ailey = only 10 times prettier. She completed her 10k run in 53 minutes and 04 seconds. Her goal time was 50 minutes which she missed but she DID beat her previous timing - which is good. Went to lunch at the Huki Lau with her and Vishali - with whom I had a good time hanging out with when Adria was running. Me and her cheered her up everytime Adria passed us.

RAC Update :-
I could not start the GSD daemon . Started the trace on the same and opened up a TAR with Oracle Support. Byron is coming back from the IOUG-A tomorrow. Hope he brings back some goodies.

2004-04-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

Taking people under the wing :
I believe in the good that people can dish out. This Wednesday I met a young couple - Kara and Eddie who are 20 and 18 respectively. She said will you give us some money to feed a hungry person to which my standard response is ' I will not give you any money but will definitely feed you'. While sitting at the table at Round Table , pondering over the mystery over why I was not thinking with my dick despite the fact that the gal is cute . Then she stood up and from the faint hint from under the hoody I saw it. Kara is 8 months pregnant. 18 years old and pregnant. Has to be tough. I admired the fact that the guy is sticking with her and not ran away. I offered to sponsor their first month's apartment rent. Went to about three different apartment complexes with Eddie. Finally gave him the apartment guide and asked him to call a few more places. He found one which they liked and they found her step dad to cosign for the lease. I am supposed to go today and get the deal done. With God's grace we should be able to get them off the streets for a month atleast. Hopefully they will be able to deliver the baby under a roof. Am I a fool or am I a fool ?

2004-04-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

The last time I wrote was about two weeks back. A lot has happened since then.

The Napa Weekend :-
I did the Napa Vine thing for the first time in my life. Mama is gonna be so proud that her
son is drinking and proud of it. I went with my burning man friends Mark and Anna and THEIR friends Victoria and Eric . My date for the weekend was the lovely miss Reanda Ross. Hey whatever six people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms with multiple partners is their own business. Whatever six people do in the privacy of the Bed and Breakfast's pool and hot tub is their own business. Whatever six people do with a video camera is their own business........Just kidding there was no camera.

Rooster T Feathers Competition :-
I made it through the first round and into the semi finals where I was gloriously defeated by a fantastically funny chef, a 40+ yr old blond who restored my faith in prop comedy and my favourite nigga with a baby - Sam the chef, Sharman and of course Mike E Winfield. I think I lack the killer instinct necessary to win a contest. I don't consider myself any less funnier than any of those fuckers up there on stage. I think Mike is very motivated about winning and making it since he has the baby. His act has gone from having the B - IG as the punchline to funny funny bits with HUGE kapows. Congratulations to him for the same. He has earnt my respect with sheer hard work and tenacity.

Harlows and PepperBelly's :-
The Yin and Yang of comedy. I did two shows in one night. Pepperbellys in Fairfield and Harlows in Sacramento. I killed at Peppers with a hugely political set. Bombed at Harlows with a regular set. Levels me down . Levels me down fast.....

Gig in Weaverville CA:-
It was a good drive . I took the Porsche and the townsfolk of Weaverville, CA were especially impressed by the same. This gig had a special case in my heart as the name Weaverville roughly translates in my language to Kapadvanj which is the place where my dad grew up and my grandpa lived all his life. Strange how heartstrings affect attractions . Its either that or the number of hippie hotties who still believe in free love and sloppy sloppy bjs.

2004-03-31T07:33:00.000-08:00

AOL Today announced that it is giving away a Porsche to one of its lucky winners - which used to belong to a spammer - as a thank you for joining the fight against spam.
The spammer was last seen at a penile extension clinic buying cheap airfare to go to Europe to buy viagra to bang teenage hotties in his neighbourhood and find everlasting love in the same zip code. The winner , of course, got an automatic penile enlargement - its a Boxster - dammit. Now that is a completely different kind of AOL TopSpeed. In addition to this AOL said that they have also accepted as payments - houses, boats and firstborns as payments. I want a spammer firstborn. He will have a huge penis and a deal on airfare .This is bullshit man. Cause for the last few years I have been fighting terrorism and I haven't even gotten a coozie from the government as a thank you for fighting terrorism. How about a tax break ? If I gave blood for the 9-11 victims I get a tax break - or a coozie.

Today the headlines are screaming about four foreigners in Iraq whose corpses were dragged through the streets
Deja Vu Somalia. Ridley Scott - get ready to direct a sequel to Black Hawk Down.
Black Hawker Down - the Sequel.
Who are these people who accept contracting jobs in Fallujah ? Thats like putting a hit on themselves . These are the grown up versions of kids that raised their hands on the last day before the holidays and reminded the teacher that she forgot to give homework. The Iraqis are not all yellow ribbons and red-white-blue about the invasion. Hey we blew their homes off . They hang a few of ours that we grossly failed to protect. The Taliban is growing stronger and we keep on putting more troops into Iraq because the Taliban is being taken care of by "our friends" - the Pakistanians. Today about 2000 marines reached Afghanistan to intensify the hunt for Al Qaeda . Thank you Mr. Richard Clarke for proving that the pen is mightier than the sword.

Went to a new comedy room - Roma Cafe - in Davis.
Opened by Eric Miller. Nice room. Congratulations to Mr. Eric Miller for making this happen. Met Tony Diamco for the first time. Liked him and his style. Me , Ray, Ali and Cheese went together. The room was a nice coffee hosue setting. Dominique etc were there and Mike E Winfield. We got paid in leftover bagels. This was apparently Cheese's first paycheck. Being paid in bagels. Big time standup. Oh I am HAPPY. Realizing the fact that a lot of the people of the world do not even a decent bagel to eat I felt happy. Something is better than nothing. Ali kept on shouting during the ride - Hold On To Your Bagels - which was a lot funnier in the car than now. We are running across county lines with a car full of bagels - Ray.
There was an accident with four dead and poppy seeds and blood all over - Tapan.
I don't know why these stupid jokes cracked us up but they did. They were at the spur of the momment, topical and our own. Not to mention unusable at any point other than that car - unless you consider these blogs.

2004-03-30T10:22:00.000-08:00

What has been happening in the world lately -
Ralph Nader and John Kerry decided to get together and strategize to defeat Bush.
Hey Ralphie, learn from the last election and STOP being a vote grabber for BUSH. Shut the fuck up and sit down. If you can't make a last minute deal with Gore there is no chance that you will ever do ANYTHING BUT grab votes from potential Democrats who have a chance of winning against Bush. Ralphie , if you are reading this, take your ultra liberal unpractical ass out of the campaign. Divided we fall, united we stand - your second grade grandkids will tell you the same. If you still don't believe me go to Bush 1 and shout out the words ROSS PEROT to understand what I am talking about. Stop being a Republican puppet and get the hell out of the campaign 'for the cause' as you say.

Condi Rice finally agreed to testify in public about 9-11.
First of all I have a HUGE problem with any finely educated , almost concert pianist , health freak who works for Bush. Testifying in front of the 9-11 panel is nothing compared to the daily connundrum which is your job with the Bush Nazis. Consider this a vacation. The seat is hot so skip wearing panties for the day. Also consider the fact that your bosses are testifying in private before the 10 member committee. This is the typical Republican response to anything isn't it. Put the cute girl in the hot seat and lets all sit and watch her squirm. Here is a direct quote from 60 minutes "We have separate branches of government -- the legislative branch and the executive branch," she said. "This commission ..... derives its authority from the Congress, and it is a long-standing principle that sitting national security advisers do not testify before the Congress."
What are you hiding Condi ? What is on your mind ? We want to hear . Let it out.

And while we are at it can you make the gas prices go any higher ?
The heat is on but I cannot feel it as the ticker at the gas pump is going on so fast its blowing breeze like a finely tuned fan . The gas prices have never been higher in the good old U.S. of A and the Republicans are in office. Whats new ? The last time the prices were so high a Bush was President and we were at war with Iraq. Deja Vu ? Not quite - we hate the French now remember . Deja Vu is not an acceptable phrase anymore. I make decent money to not be affected by these prices but I think about Raul the gardner who uses gas in his leaf blower for earning money. I think about Tyrone ,the KFC worker , who uses his truck to get to work and to pick up his kids. I think about Rosa who uses her raggedy ass Chevy to deliver pot to all the stoners she knows and I think about William who uses his pickup to go out and party. Higher gas prices mean more work for Raul, less time with family for Tyrone, more stoners waiting for pot and getting hungrier leading to increased sales of snack food - damn you Republicans , damn you to hell. ANd lastly it means less drinking for William which means he is going to get home just drunk enough to suspect his wife and beat the shit out of her which leads to more stitches in the face for her and increased sales for the Healthcare industry. Damn you Republicans damn you to hell ! Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry announced his plan to keep the rising prices at bay if he was elected. He detailed a plan which would involve applying greater pressure on oil-producing nations to increase production, in a bid to drive down crude oil prices, and to temporarily suspend filling U.S. oil reserves. Good plan Kerry. The last time we tried to 'apply greater pressure' on OPEC to produce more oil we were criticized as oil mongers and invaders of the worst kind. Imagine that ! Us worst than Saddam. That sucks. Not that I mind criticism if you can make that gas price counter go back to a buck fifty . And for the record NOBODY "produces" oil unless you are referring to the planet. You just siphon what you stand on and sell it to the ones who consume the most.

John Kerry is running neck to neck with the President as far as opinion polls are concerned. Bush 51 Kerry 49. However Kerry is about 80 MILLION dollars short of the campaign finances that Bush has. Bush 170 Million - Kerry 90 million. Add to it the 270 million that his wife will inherit. Bush 170 Kerry 360. Add to it the 200 million that Cheney has in liquid assest. Bush 370 Kerry 360. Add to it the 180 million in trust funds that Bush has. Bush 550 Kerry 360.